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From Zero to Lesbian in 60 Seconds

2009-09-02T11:38:00.003-04:00

I've been dying to blog that headline for days now. Trust me it is an interesting story. And I promise to tell it some day!! But just not today.

Two Steps Forward…Two Steps Back

2009-07-24T13:42:00.002-04:00

No I am not giving a shout out to the famous Paula Abdul song; this is what has happened since my last post.

So I was doing so well about not having any casual relations with men who just suck my soul dry. I even had the conversation with the “Married” guy. Long story short, I think he is in denial about his “relationship” with me. Perhaps he can just have recreational sex devoid of feelings, but I can’t. So we’ve decided to just be friends. We will see how long that lasts. I’m not initiating any of the conversations, but I am not going to be rude and not respond if he e-mails or texts me.

But here is where I just took a few steps back. My Aussie friend invited me to hang out with him and some of his mates visiting from Australia on Sunday. So I met them for a lunch at one of my Chelsea favorites, Vynl!

I am the first to admit that I am a sucker for a British or Australian accent. And all you have to do is look back at my previous posts to know where this one is headed.

Naturally, I was immediately smitten with one of his friends. He was so much my type. Shaved head, great body, funny, and that accent…turns out he was raised in the UK, but moved to Australia about 15 years ago.

As usual, I wasn’t sure what he thought of me due to my low self-esteem. He and his friends were off to see a Broadway show that evening, but I had hoped that we would all hang out later that night. Interestingly enough I was told he was using my friend’s old pay as you go cell phone, so I sent him a text to see where he ended up.

I was feeling conflicted, partly cause I had vowed no casual sex and partly because I still didn’t think he was interested. Much to my surprise, he responded back, but unfortunately he was tired and was heading back to his hotel.

The next day we exchanged a few text messages and we made plans to hang out on Tuesday. I love NYC and enjoy sharing it will tourists. Perhaps I should be come a tour guide?!? So even if he wasn’t interested I knew I would have a good time.

We met for Lunch and then walked all over the city. I was very flirty, as was he, but still couldn’t figure out if this was going to go anywhere. We really hit it off, and had such a connection. As much as I loved his accent, he had a thing for American accents as well – this is where Estelle’s “American Boy” should be playing in your head. He actually said, “I love your accent” and “I’ve been walking around with a semi-erection all day!” Was this perhaps a hint that he liked me?

He had plans to meet his friends later at a roof top bar, but I wasn’t dressed for it, so I went back home change.

I met up with him and his friends, and then we decided to grab dinner at another of my favorite eateries, Room Service. After dinner his friends retired to their hotel, leaving me and my “Man” alone on the street in an awkward what do we do next moment. We decided to grab drinks. We started at G (still couldn’t figure him out) and then moved onto Barracuda. In between bars, he said “How far is it back to your place? You can stay at my hotel if it’s too late for you to go home at this hour” – perhaps hint number two?

We stopped after our second drink, both not wanting to get too inebriated. And again, we were stuck in an awkward what we do next moment. But this time we both managed to get some courage and just go for it:

He asked, “What are you going to do with me now?”

“I don’t know, what do you want me to do with You?” (You can’t make this shit up!)

And that is when we both leaned in to kiss each other. We retired back to his hotel, and the rest is history. We spent Wednesday afternoon with his friends, had drinks at Nisos and a nice meal at Fatty Crab. Later we met up with my Aussie friend who introduced us and another friend of his who just arrived that evening from Australia.

We went back to his hotel again that night had a lovely shag, then feel asleep cuddled in each others arms. We awoke and had a lovely breakfast, took another walk around town, and then kissed farewell before a cab whisked him off to the airport.

All this leaves me here wondering why is it that I can have such intense connections with men who don’t live here?

He was very much my type physically, sexual and intellectually. And I am happy to have had the experience with him, but I know that we may never see one another again. I’m sure that we will keep in touch, like I have with the other out-of-towners that have passed through my life, but a little part of me just wishes I could meet someone who would stick around for a while.

And that’s my story!

Small Steps for...gay kind?

2009-07-11T00:17:00.000-04:00

So I'd like to pat myself on the back for two small steps I made in the right direction tonight. Granted I wouldn't have to make these steps if I wasn't such a dumb ass to begin with when it comes to men.

Step 1: When I was out a few weeks ago I ran into an old trick. I had many reservations about this guy which is why I never called him after our one night stand over a year ago. Not to say that the first encounter wasn't hot. But there were signs that said to me danger, curves ahead. So I never called him again.

But life is funny, and every time I put something out to the universe it seems to come back to me. I was just saying to a friend "Hey remember that Australian guy from last year? Have you ever seen him out?" And no less than two days later there he was right in front of me. (I keep putting win a Million Dollars out to the universe, but that one hasn't come back to me yet!!)

So as I said, while out two weeks ago, I ran into Aussie man. We danced the night away together. And we were all flirty on the dance floor. I was heading out of town the next day, but we agreed to get in touch. He had visitors coming into town the following weekend so we settled on today.

I awoke this morning, and sent a txt message asking if we were still on for tonight. He said, "Yes, I'll call you after work." This was an immediate red flag for me. I wasa bit confused. I even said to a friend today, "I'm not sure if I have a date or a booty call tonight."

Well at 6:45PM he finally called. And told me head needed to meet the Aussie friends for a drink at 8PM in the west village, and asked if he could come out me way at 11PM. Ok, so I wasn't crazy. It was a booty call. Really?!? I hastily agreed to the arrangement. And ate some dinner in front of the television.

At around 8PM, I decided I wanted to go to the gym. On my way there I also decided to cancel on Aussie man. I just can't do all this casual sex anymore. Where is it getting me?? No freaking where. I'm no prude, and don't have any issues with hooking up -- sometimes you just need a good fuck. But what I really want is a relationship!

He texted me back and apologized for the "mix up" with the plans and for "messing up my night." He even invited me out to meet up with him and his friends. Um, a little to late! I declined.

Step 2: At 11:40PM, while typing this post, I received a TXT from another guy I've been "seeing". The sex with this guy is amazing! And we actually have a lot in common. I'd even consider dating him, but he's in his 40's and is an Actor. He could go out of town for a gig at any time. And what's the point to starting a relationship with someone like that, in fact I don't think he wants to start anything anyways. I wrote back that I was unavailable and in addition that I was no longer doing the casual sex thing. His response..."I don't have enough of it to give it up."

So I think I've made two good decisions tonight. While its nice to be wanted, its also nicer to make decisions that I think are healthy for me in the long run.

Let's see how long this will last...any guesses?

Cruising on the L train

2009-07-05T12:01:00.002-04:00

On my way into Manhattan yesterday I had to transfer from the N train to the L train. I walked into a car and saw a really attractive guy. At first I couldn’t tell which team he played for. And no, not the Yankees or the Mets, I wondered if he was Gay or Straight. Yes, sometimes my “Gaydar” doesn’t work.

And furthermore, if you are attracted to me, and you know I’m looking at you, why not give some visual clue, right?

So I disembarked from the train and went on with my business, assuming I’d never see this guy again. But that would not be the case.

I was hanging out with two friends last night at Barracuda in Chelsea. And who walks up to me but L Train guy. Turns out he was gay (duh!). We had a really nice chat (it turns out he lived in my neighborhood), while my friends awkwardly looked on. I really hate picking someone up in front of my friends. We exchanged numbers and he promised to call. And he did:

At 3:02AM I received a call from him, as he was making his way back home. I was already in bed, ready to catch some Zsss. We had a flirty conversation and I could see where this was headed – a booty call. I was kind of disappointed as I was hoping for an actual date. He said he’d call me when he came above ground.

I never got that phone call. Instead I received the following stream of TXTs:

RT (4:26AM): What’s Up? Where are you??
RT (4:31AM): Whatever…
RT (7:58AM): What are you up to this morning?

PP (10:53AM): Morning, Sorry I fell asleep last night and missed your TXTs. Just woke up. What are you up to?

RT (10:53AM): Nothing Special. You?

Not wanting to deal with TXTs, I call. No answers.

PP (10:55AM): Call me.

RT (10:56AM): What’s up?

PP (10:58AM): Nothing, just lying in bed. You not feeling like talking on the phone??

RT (11:00AM): I’m not a big phone talker…And I did drugs last night. I haven’t slept. Is that gross?

PP (11:03AM): Ah that explains last nights/this mornings TXTs. Get some sleep!

RT (11:05AM): It was just blow… When can we hook up?
RT (11:13AM): Okay I’m gross. I’ll leave you alone.

And scene…WTF?!?!? Yes, you can’t make this shit up!

“Really?”

2009-07-01T20:11:00.001-04:00

That title of this post is a TXT I received at 7:22PM tonight from the Man I wrote about on June 19th in a post entitle Patterns.

What the hell is that supposed to mean? So ok, I didn’t TXT or call him at all today, which is abnormal. We are in contact with each other everyday, multiple times. And further more, not that I didn’t want to.

In fact, it took all the energy I had not to send him a funny TXT or call him after my workout to see if he wanted to grab coffee. (Sidebar: The coffee place we had our afternoon rendezvous at closed this week! Is this a sign from the universe for me to end this quasi relationship??)

I consciously decided today that I need to end my destructive pattern. And this TXT only proves how important it is for me to do so. What the fuck? You can’t have your cake and eat it too? Or can you? See when dumb asses like me continue on letting people have the best of both worlds, they just get used to getting what they want.

This is not to say that I didn’t immediately pick up the phone and call him right after receiving this text. At first I was going to explain why I didn’t call or TXT today. But then what would be the point to that? Closure? And not that it would change the reality of the situation.

But “Really?”, to quote him, what do I owe him? I am the one getting hurt here. A few things should be non-negotiable, but for some reason I don’t apparently think I deserve a boyfriend of my own. I must prefer to be the “other”. Truth is I don’t. I want a nice normal (what is that exactly?!?) relationship of my own. It is funny if you think about it from his point of view: he obviously likes the attention I give him, and the minute that was gone he craved it. And like a dumb ass I gave him the satisfaction of a call.

But moving forward I am cutting him off, at least when it comes to sexual relations. As much as I enjoy the sex, it’s probably some of the best I’ve ever had; I just can’t do it anymore. I’d like to stay friends, because I do appreciate having him in my life (aside from the sex). But can we be friends without benefits? Only time will tell. Speaking of telling, do I tell him this? Or do I just let him figure it out on his own?

And speaking of TXT’s, still nothing back from the Latino Lover. Funny story – of course there always is – I was eating dinner in Midtown last night with my friend (Hey Shamesheckla), and who guess who gets seated at the table behind me? You guessed it. What are the chances? Of course he came right over to say “Hello” – awkward! – but that was about it. I had to bite my tongue as usual.

To quote a noted gossip columnist, “Only in New York, kids, only in New York!”

Update

2009-06-24T17:44:00.002-04:00

Still no TXT back! WTF??

Check out the comments from AlterEgo to my post below.

Who are you? And why weren't you here last night to tell me these things before I sent the TXT. Atleast I'll know for next time -- And there will always be a next time. Sigh.

TXTing Sucks

2009-06-24T00:05:00.000-04:00

So at 11:15PM tonight I received the following text message from the boy from last night:

"I apologize for my crazy behavior last night"

What the hell does that mean? He is sorry for telling me he liked me, dragging me back to his apartment, making out with me in the bar, on the street, in the elevator, on the couch and in his bed? Was that the crazy behavior he is sorry for? Or was it for being a silly drunk, ordering chicken wings at 10:30PM and being all sappy with his roommate?

I replied at 11:25PM with the following:

"No prob. Just curious, did you mean anything you said? Or was that the alcohol talking?"

Its now 11:54PM and I haven't heard back yet.

Problem is TXTing sucks and isn't clear. Was I clear with what I wrote? He certainly wasn't clear with what he wrote. What is clear is that what we each wrote made sense to the writer.

Could ESL (English As A Second Language) be the. issue??

And why hasn't he written back, and why am I being such a girl about this? Ugh. Perhaps he is asleep already, and I'll find get a text in the AM?!?

Fuck Gay Pride

2009-06-23T20:31:00.000-04:00

I just went to a gay pride party at a roof top on a hotel. Apparently over 1000 people RSVP'd for this event, but the roof can't hold that many people. A good event planner can judge the ratio off RSVP's to actual attendees. But if you are having an outdoor party, that can only hold a certain amount of people, and you know its gonna be nice out, then you should expect a capacity turn out. And either cut the RSVP's off at a much lower number or make sure the venue has space to hold the amount of people who RSVP.

Working as a publicist for 12 years, if someone RSVP's for something then they should be allowed at an event. If you didn't RSVP then you don't get in. Granted a good event planner will also allow for a good number of non-RSVP's depending on what the event is.

I can't believe I just stood in a line for 20mins, and not be allowed into "the party". For something I was probably one of the first people to RSVP to.

So what do I say to gay pride "Fuck it!!" Gays suck and can't even throw a party where people aren't excluded. What does that say about people who are excluded every day of their lives?? Gay Pride?? I don't have any.

The Walk of Shame (or Why I'll Never Date A Latino Boy)

2009-06-23T09:24:00.001-04:00

Let me begin by acknowledging the fact that I am writing this post while on the subway, on my home from last night. Kind of cool that I can post from my BlackBerry, but equally sad that I am doing the walk of shame at 8:30AM.

So last night I met up with a friend for drinks -- I still can't have alcohol, fingers crossed the doctor says I can have solid food starting today (and a Martini!).

This "friend" is a really hot latino boy from Peru. I've thought this guy was hot for a few years, but he never seemed to notice me. So I wrote him off as a jerk. Flash forward to earlier this year when he shows up at my favorite watering hole, the Eagle NYC. My friend who runs the leather shop in the Eagle was kinda interested in him, and I even told him that I thought this guy was a jerk. Really hot, but a jerk.

We were introduced and actually hit it off (could I have been wrong about him?). Meanwhile I knew that my friend was interested in him, so I was hands off. Cause I wouldn't do that to one of my friends (or would I?).

The Peruvian and I started hanging out, outside of the Eagle. And then last night happened. I met him at a bar in Midtown, he was with a really drunk (annoying) friend. They had spent the weekend out on Fire Island. Which means drinking for 4 days straight, starting at 10am each day. My kidneys hurt just thinking about it.

After his friend left (thank God), I decided to buy the Peruvian another cocktail (I had a water). He was very hands on in the 45mins that we were together up to that point. Adding this next cocktail tipped the scale. He decided to profess that he liked me. And that he hadn't acted on it cause he didn't want to upset our mutual friend (even thought nothing ever happened between them). Too which I countered with how I felt about him. Now I knew in the back of my mind that he was drunk, but still had hopes that it was what finally gave him the courage to tell me the truth.

He had promised his roommate that he would come home and hang out and watch a movie. So we walked to his place, hand in hand in the rain. Just like a scene from a movie. We even stopedp for a make out session in the middle of the sidewalk. We got on the elevator with someone, thankfully they got off on the 5th floor, and as soon as the doors closed we were back at it! Man he was a good kisser!

So I don't think this was the evening his roommate had planned for, but we had met before so it was fine. The peruvian was a hot mess, and wanted chicken wings, so his roommate ordered him some. Side bar: we watched a funny movie called "Ghost Town".

The movie ended around 11:30pm, and so we retired to his bedroom. I had reservations about staying, in fact I even asked (yes I asked a drunk person) if he was still gonna like me in the morning or was this just the alcohol. He of course said, "Yes." We made out some more, but I knew that was where it was gonna end. We spent the night together spooning, which you know I just love.

And now its the next morning. We woke up at 7:30AM, yes some people have jobs (I think working is overrated, ha!). Unfortunately the passion from the night before seemed to be gone, it was all business as he preped for work. Before I knew it we were out the door and walking cross town. We did kiss goodbye on the street. And he mentioned he would let me know if he was going to the Eagle on Thursday. Ok?!? WTF?!?

So the lesson here!?! Latino boys, they are uber passionate, but can turn it off as quickly as it was turned on! Sigh. Another tale of Pablo in Manhattan.

Patterns

2009-06-19T23:47:00.004-04:00

Pat-tern [pat-ern; Brit. pat-n] –noun

A combination of qualities, acts, tendencies, etc., forming a consistent or characteristic arrangement: the behavior patterns of teenagers.

According to the dictionary definition above, I think I have fallen into a bad pattern. Especially when it comes to the men I date. Can I actually use that word if the man in question already has a boyfriend?

My loyal reader(s) know(s) that relationships and my love life have been a constant source for fodder for this blog. If I were a stand up comedian, writing a screenplay or Carrie Bradshaw, then all the drama would be great. You know what they say, “Write what you know!” But I’m not!

Here’s the scoop! I am currently seeing this guy. It’s not a typical relationship. He has a boyfriend, and they are in an open-relationship. For those readers who don’t know what that means, let me explain. While the couple has been together for over 12 years, and owns 3 properties together; they are allowed to have sex with other people individually or bring “guest stars” into their bedroom. I can hear all the straight readers now, but don’t think that this kind of thing only exists in the gay community. We all saw the episode of “Brothers & Sisters” where Nora’s new love interest announced that he and his wife were in an open relationship.

In the beginning I was just into it for the sex. The guy is very much my type, very sexy, a great lay, sexy salt and pepper hair, tattoos and piercings. And for the first few encounters it was purely about getting off. Very animalistic, man on man sex. But then the texting, phone calls, coffee dates and dinners started to happen. We definitely have grown quite close. And it wasn’t just one sided. I know he was “falling” for me, too. Perhaps he has watched one to many episodes of “Big Love”, but you can’t have a harem of lovers. Well you can, they obviously do in Utah. But you shouldn’t, right?

As you know, I recently had surgery. And the drama that’s been involved there is enough to write a book! Or at least a few blog posts (see below). Anyway, the man in question has been very supportive and concerned with my well being. Which is sweet and nice, and I greatly appreciate it. But at the end of the day, what does it leave me with? Heart ache.

And then it went to a whole new level. We got together the Friday night before my surgery for a little rendezvous at his place. In fact all of our “meetings” have taken place in his bed. The one he sleeps in at night with his lover! But usually after the deed is done I suit back up and head home. Occasionally we’ve spent a few post coital moments together, but this last time that fleeting moment lasted into the night, and I ended up sleeping over. We spooned like two lovers in love. And I am not going to lie – I enjoyed every minute of it.

But in the morning I was forced to make the walk of shame. In fact, he had me wait until the neighbors were out of the hall. His lover is on the co-op board after all. And what would the neighbors think?

And this is where I see the pattern in my life. Why do I continue to devalue myself and allow myself to get sucked into these crappy relationships?

The therapist in me thinks the following:

I am incapable of accepting real love, so I engage in relationships with people who are unavailable and treat me with little or no respect.

This next tidbit might help prove the former? A few weeks back I broke up with a guy that I had been seeing for about 2 1/2 months. He was really into me. He hung on every word that I said, and did that annoying head tilt. You can picture it, right? His eyes all sparkling as hey took in every syllable. And for some reason it just really bothered me. Everyone asked, “Are you sure you really want a boyfriend?” And my honest answer is “Yes.” But I just wasn’t that into him. And I can’t explain why.

So where does this all leave me? Frankly, at home alone on a Friday night, writing this blog posting – that maybe 3 people will read. But seriously, it leaves me feeling kind of sad. But as I pointed out at the top of the post, I am stuck in a very bad pattern. But at least I’ve recognized that I have a pattern. And knowing – as G.I. Joe taught us – is half the battle, right??

My First Mobile Blog

2009-06-18T00:21:00.000-04:00

So I just discovered that I can post on my blog via e-mail from my BlackBerry. How cool is that? Perhaps I will update my blog more often now?!?

Side Effects or Hypocondria

2009-06-17T11:07:00.000-04:00

I decided to have the "Elective Surgery" in an effort to improve the quality of my life. A simple procedure like a tonsillectomy should not result in a visit to the ER -- Ok, so that one was my fault, I love food and missed it so much that I couldn't stick to the soft food diet! And now tonight I am left wondering if the antibiotics I am on have caused me to get Thrush.

As usual it is the middle of the night, and I must wait until the morning to call my doctor. I already feel like I'm a pain, cause of the 2AM call/emergency surgery on Saturday morning. Why couldn't this annoying little side effect happen on Monday or Tuesday before I had my follow up visit. Ugh...

So now I sit here watching the time move slowly by as I wonder what my fate will be tomorrow. Of course my doctor can't diagnose anything with out seeing me. But I am embarrassed that 4 visits with the doctor in 5 days is a bit much! It will all soon be over!!

I promise myself my posts will be funnier and about my crazy love life again soon...but for now its all about my health!

Post-Op Tranny

2009-06-11T14:14:00.000-04:00

I have no clue how Rey even knew that I posted a new blog, but it kinda made me feel special that someone read my pre-op ramblings about my jitters. Thanks Rey!

I am happy to report that I am doing way better than I expected. The surgery went really well. in fact I got in early and was back home by 4:30PM. I was in so little pain (thanks to a percocet and Tylenol 3) that I took my friend out to dinner to thank him for being my chaperon. It was a little painful watching him eat a really yummy looking chicken dish while I could only down a few maduros. But I was happy to be on my feet so quickly after general anesthesia.

Today is day three and the pain has finally set in. I am not gonna lie, my throat is on fire! But as I mentioned in the last post, I know that in the end the pain now will all be worth it.

And so I am left wondering why I caused myself so much angst the night before the surgery. I guess not knowing what the future holds for me is scary, but for some reason I tend to make things even worse than they need be. Why??

Tonsillectomy

2009-06-08T15:40:00.000-04:00

I just looked back at my posts, and it seems that every year around this time I get the bug to start blogging again. It’s less about thinking that anyone is actually reading this (thanks Rey for being the only one to read my blog!), but I really dig having this odd time capsule that contains my thoughts and stories from the past 4 years.

In about 12 hours I'll be going under the knife. No, I am not getting a nose job, I like the one I already have. I am getting my tonsils taken out and a 100,000 mile clean up in my sinuses – I had them cleaned back in 2000. I know that this elective pain I am about to put myself through, and the month long recuperation period is 100% worth it. I know that in the long run when I no longer get tonsillitis or sinus infections, I will be a happy boy.

So why can't I sleep? Why am I nervous? Why not, right?

At this time tomorrow, I'll be reduced to eating only "soft" foods for about a week, and have these tampon like plugs up my nose – oh joy!

If I were more progressive, I'd have a facebook page and my status would have some funny quip about my surgery, and if I were even more painfully hip I'd tweet something from the surgery center moments before my surgery. But alas, I am not, and this blog post will have to do. Mostly it will be something for me to read next year when I decide to start blogging again.

On a random note, I am obsessed with a song from a new band called Parachute. The song is called "She (For Liz). It kind of sounds like a Maroon 5 song, but it’s the following lyric that just makes love this song. "How can the only thing that's killing me, make me feel so alive?" No that is good writing. Go check them out.

Miami Heat

2008-11-05T17:33:00.000-05:00

Why do I invite heartache into my life??

Am I a glutton for punishment or just naïve?

I am such a fool sometimes, and yet normally so cautious about affairs of the heart.

Did I really think I could just fly to Miami to spend the weekend with someone and not get emotionally attached??

Why is it that other people can turn off their feelings?

Yes folks this is just another chapter in my crazy life! Remember San Fran Man, Hot-lanta, An American in Paris, and countless others. After all, I am an out of town man magnet!

Marriage and Children…A Sensitive Subject

2008-08-07T13:46:00.000-04:00

Don’t worry I am not going all “Breeder” on you in this post. This is just a little anecdote about how I’ve managed to piss off a bunch of people this month. It seems that I’ve been very insensitive to my married friends and to my gay (but I have children) friends.

At the end of July, I had a major blow out with a person I considered one of my best friends. He was married for a few years, and has a young son. Unfortunately, his son lives in another state so he only gets to see him every once in a while. He does however speak to his son everyday, and is very much a part of his life. For the past few summers the child comes to visit for for a month, and this year was no different. Leading up to the month of June, I would often lament to our group of friends that I needed to find a new best friends/partner in crime for that month. This was a fact, and not meant to be presented as anything more than that. Those who know me well know that I always try to find the humor in everything – in my I head, I think I am Kathy Griffin.

Turns out, he thought I was being insensitive and that I was being unkind to the fruit of his loins. Frankly I don’t like children, don’t want any, nor do I enjoy hanging out with other people’s kids, or hearing about them. But in this case I made it clear that I would hang out with him and his son – because I am a decent person and he was after all my close friend!

But as usual, I am blamed for things beyond my control (I.E. Other people’s issues). I know it’s hard to deal with coming out, having kids and dealing with all that life has to offer. Trust me I get it, but you shouldn’t push away people who have genuinely been on your side, despite their own personal feelings toward certain subjects. Agree to disagree! That works for me.

So the next funny story deals with a married girl friend. For as long as we have been friends, we always addressed each other by our initials – in both conversation as well as on IM and in e-mails. She has been married for about a year now, and just yesterday she called me on the fact that I addressed her as SJ instead of SJP (initials have been changed to protect the innocent). I told her that I consciously stuck with SJ, cause that what we’ve always done – and that I am Taurus and don’t like change much. Her response was that I “need to recognize and respect when others change.” Is she joking? Seriously why are we having this conversation? And I thought she was all women’s lib about it anyhow!

I respect that she is married, I will be kind to her husband (if I ever have spend time with him), and it’s not like me not using the P means I disapprove of their marriage. I don’t understand why people get so bent out of shape about this crap…again her lashing out is about stuff that is not my issues. I didn’t mean to disrespect her vows of holy matrimony – those are between her, her husband, the government of the United States and maybe god. Not me! And in the relationship that we share, that is who she was to me…weather she is SJ or SJP she is till the same person, are labels that important?

In both cases, I never meant to disrespect anyone. But I think as I get older, I am learning who my real friends are, and how much of their insecurities I can really take. Tell me off when I do something that really offends you (like calling your husband an ass or asking if we can kill off your kid) – but this stuff is really small potatoes. What do you think?

MySpace, facebook and twitter, Oh my!

2008-08-05T15:36:00.000-04:00

Everyone keeps asking if I have a MySpace, or facebook or twitter page. And my resounding answer has been “No”. Honestly, I have enough trouble maintaining relationships with “real” friends, so I don’t know how I would deal with a host of new “cyber” friends.

Having one of these pages might keep me more in touch with the people I already know, or maybe I’d reconnect with some old friends I’ve lost touch with. But honestly I am not a budding pop star (anymore), so I don’t need a MySpace page to share my music and tour schedule. And do I really need to know what my friends are doing right now? Will I be unable to survive if I don’t know that someone is drinking coffee or reading the lasted book on the New York Times best seller list? No!

I also think sites like these have age limits. I hated high school, so why would I want to subject myself to that kind of mentality in my 30s? I have one co-worker who is obsessed with amassing new facebook friends – as if having a large number means you are special, popular and well liked.

Another friend, who is n his 40s, just signed up to facebook. He has a young daughter, she is 12, and I said to him “Isn’t it odd that in a few years she’ll be one of your facebook friends.” “And she’ll know all about your lascivious activities.”

As for myself, I prefer this semi-anonymous blog, which only a few people in my life even know about, or bother to read.

Jive's New Britney?

2008-08-04T11:51:00.000-04:00

I was flipping through the new music on Music Choice (a VOD service offered on my cable service) and stumbled upon a new recording artist named Lesley Roy. http://www.lesleyroymusic.com/

Oddly enough she is on Jive records and worked with uber producer Max Martin (Britney, P!nk, Kelly Clarkson) Max is also responsible one of this summer's hottest tracks -- Katy Perry's "I Kissed a Girl". The album is very rock 'n roll - think Kelly Clarkson, Arvil and P!nk. Lesley is originally from Ireland, but has no accent on any of the tracks.

I downloaded "I'm Gone, I'm Going" on Saturday night and I've already played it about 50 times. Yeah, I know, I am a wee bit OCD, lol!

Check her out.

I'm Back

2008-07-28T12:44:00.000-04:00

So after a year and a half hiatus, I am back in blog-ness.

Oh the stories I have to tell all of my non-exhistant readers.

I can't beleive that I started this thing back in July 2005 - amazing right. I was so ahead of the curve. And now look at me. I don't have myspace or facebook pages - am I that un-cool?

I am not much into the whol social networking thing. I can't seem to manage my real life releationships, let alone cyber ones.

So in my last post in Feb 2007, I was complaining (surprised? I'm not) about needing a new job. Well after all this time, a new boss and some recent issues at the office, I am still in that boat.

I am still uncertain as to what I want to be when I grow up. New flavor of the month - Stand Up Comic! I don't know what it is with my unhealthy obsession with the "entertainment" industry. First it was broadway actor/singer/dancer, then pop singer, next TV host, and now comic! As the new Pussycat Dolls song (When I Grow Up) says, "I wanna be famous/I wanna be in movies/I wanna have groupies."

I don't really think that what it is, I just think I've never gotten the "bug" outta my system.

Alright, I am exhusted from my first post back...so that's all for now.

More later (definition of later TBD).

I NEED A NEW JOB!

2007-02-27T15:15:00.000-05:00

I NEED A NEW JOB!
I NEED A NEW JOB!
I NEED A NEW JOB!
I NEED A NEW JOB!
I NEED A NEW JOB!
I NEED A NEW JOB!
I NEED A NEW JOB!
I NEED A NEW JOB!

Did I mention I NEED A NEW JOB!

Notice that I am no longer being negative and saying things like, "I hate my job" or " My boss is an idiot!" or "I am on a sinking ship...please save me!" Instead, I am just thinking positive. I am just pointing out the fact that I need a new job!

Zoloft and Celebrex and Welbutrin…Oh my!

2007-02-19T23:26:00.000-05:00

I’m off to see the wizard the wonderful wizard of wellness. The commercial asks “Where does depression hurt???” And I think I know the answer.

Perhaps it is time to get things figured out.

The Gym

2007-01-26T04:23:00.000-05:00

I know I always say it, but I've been so busy that there is just not enough time to blog. But I have good material and so I had to post. However, this entry is not going to be about working out. I just have two anecdotes that both involve the gym, so I had to write.

Earlier this week I was working out at my favorite location of NYSC – I have a passport membership so I can use all 60 plus locations in the tri-state area...go me, right?!? My favorite location is at 14th Street between 6th and 7th Avenues. Why is it my favorite? I could say that I like the spacious layout and the great equipment (Which is all true), but I go there because of the beautiful Men! Yup, its all about the hotties on the floor. They give me inspiration to push myself harder and they certainly ain't bad to look at either.

So there I was on the leg press the other night when this tall, dark and handsome man mounts the triceps pushdown machine directly across from me. I recognize him immediately. Its Arpard Miklos, one of my favorite porn stars. Now I don't actually own any porn with him in it (side note, I only own one porn DVD and I won it at a bar), but I read the rags and go out so I've seen him in action. In fact, he is in this one skin flick where he fucks my other favorite "actor", Wilfred Knight. Man that is so hot.

But as hot as Arpad is, I just had to laugh when I looked at him. Perhaps it was just nervous laughter, or maybe it is because I am uncomfortable with the fact that I've seen him naked and having sexual relations? It is a shame that I am jealous of his freedom to express his sexuality on the small screen. I wonder why I am so puritanical about sex. Not that I don't love sex, but I am not going to be striping down in front of the camera any time soon. I'll never really know what made me chuckle. All I know is that sightings like this make living in NYC so great. Aside from LA, where else in U.S. can you "see" people like this? I can open magazines and then sit on the subway next the person on the cover the very next day – see my previous post "I Want My Pablo TV" which tells the tale of another example. It makes all the other crap I put up with worth it...well maybe. All I know is that Arpad is free to come back to my pad anytime...and the best thing is it could happen.

This next story is just another one of those isn't it ironic moments. During decameter I was using a different location of NYSC (41st Street) due to the fact that 14th Street was under construction. One night, I saw this guy from across the room; we kept smiling at each other but neither of us made a move. I don't like to really cruise on the gym floor; I am there to workout and respect other people's space as well. Also, I don't like to air my dirty laundry in public – there I go again with my hang ups.

On my way out, I walked passed him, he smiled again, and by the time I got downstairs I said to myself, "Go back there and give him your number." Which I did! Long story short, we had two dates. We fooled around on the first date. Typical gay man move, can’t keep it in our pants. And then on the second date, I was really late...thanks to my fucking job. That night he wanted pizza and I told him I couldn't – thanks to my citrus allergy and lactose intolerance – I think it might have been then that we both realized that this was might not be meant to happen. After dinner that night, I walked him back to his apartment. When we got to his building he says, "I'd invite you up, but my place is a mess and I have to work early tomorrow." I was kind of shocked, especially since I had just walked like 10 blocks to his apartment building. I ask if he had any plans for Saturday and he said he had to do some holiday shopping. I asked if he had plans for Saturday night, to which he responded, "I don't want to make plans, because if I end up having a late lunch with a friend then I won't want to do dinner. So I'll call you if I can hang out."

Needless to say, I never got a call, and it has been a month now, and still no call. Let's just say I was not expecting a call, in fact the next day I made plans for Saturday night because I wasn’t going to be stuck waiting by the phone. And anyways, that was pretty much the blow off right there. I wasn't born yesterday.

So long story short, tonight I went to that location with a friend to work out. As I am telling him the reason I've not been to that club for a while, would you believe the guy walks right past us. Here is what makes it even more hysterical, I can't for the life of me remember this guy’s name. I guess I blocked it out, because I don’t have time for flakes!

So there you have it folks, only in New York.

Monthly Update

2007-01-15T02:23:00.000-05:00

It seems that I haven't posted in one month. So here I go...

The big news here is that I finally got a DVR...it was my Christmas Gift for myself. It has really changed my life. No more rushing home to set the VCR, no more passing on going out just so I can watch my favorite TV shows...with one click of a button (ok maybe 2 or 3 clicks)and I can set the DVR to record the entire season of a series...I love it! I also upgraded to digital cable and have expanded the amount of channels...there is a channel that plays reruns of the "Smurfs" how awesome is that.

I am watching Friday's epidsode of "Ghost Whisperer" and its Sunday. I can even pause and rewind live tv. Wow, I am part of the 20th century now...lol.

Ain't Technology great?

I Want My Pablo TV

2006-12-14T01:12:00.000-05:00

I've had a really cool life, all complaints aside, I gotten to do some neat stuff and meet really great people. One of the results of this "life" I led has been the fact that I can't watch television with out seeing people that I know.

For years now, every time I turn on the TV, someone I've worked with or been social with is there staring me in the face.

Sometimes it is a talking head on ET or Access Hollywood, sometimes it’s an old college friend or a new friend on those VH1 specials, and then my actor friends make appearances on sitcoms and dramas.

And the past few weeks have been no different. Last Friday, a girl I've bowled with at my friend's birthday party, was the killer on an episode of Law & Order. And tonight, I came home to watch a special broadcast of Britain's Next Top Model, and an editor of a British magazine that I worked closely with on a story once, was in the show, showing the girls how to work with a reporter.

I'll admit that part of me is jealous of these folks. Hey, I've made my own appearances on TV (The Ricki Lake Show and Access Hollywood to name a few).

Fine, I'll admit it, I want to be famous.

I'm on a Man-Hunt...

2006-11-28T00:22:00.001-05:00

So as usual it has been ages since I wrote, and mostly this is due to my starting a new job. I won’t bore you with the details of my work endeavors, but I will say one thing – watch what you wish for!

I prefer to fill this space with funny stories, based 100% in truth. Seriously my life is often better than a sitcom, or rather is should be a sitcom. (Cue the laugh track…lol)

As you know, I’ve been very single for about a year and half now, and so I’ve been searching high and low for a new man. This little tale is about one of the low moments.

While most heterosexuals are finding love online at sites such as Match.com, the homosexuals are trolling around the internet on a site called Manhunt.net. Every-man who logs onto the site knows that is about getting-off not making match. More Mr. Right now, less Mr. Right. You get the idea.

Two Friday’s ago, I was home after a hellish week at the office. I was sitting in front of the television watching Ghost Whisperer and Las Vegas. I was bored, and alright I’ll admit it, I was horny. Honestly, I’ve never had much luck with internet dating or internet hook-ups. So I don’t know why I thought this night would be any different.

Just as in real life, the men I find attractive don’t feel the same about me. And the guys who do send me e-mails or IMs all describe themselves as Average, and are usually under 5’8”. The few times I have hooked up online, have been either really bad, or just ok. I certainly haven’t met any amazingly hot guys or men that I want to pursue a LTR with.

It was about 11pm, when the message came into my Inbox…You’ve got Male!

His screen name was “Cheers”…a funny reference to his nationality, he was British. He thought I was attractive, and wanted to know what I was looking for. I looked at the tiny thumbnail photos posted with his profile – oh did I mention that this is a pay site, you can subscribe to the site and get full access to larger photos, and unlimited e-mails, etc…But I am cheap, and frankly don’t really think I should “Pay” for sex…so I’ve never subscribed.

I liked what I saw…which really wasn’t much. Anyways, I sent “Cheers” an instant message. We began to chat…the chatting went on for about an hour. We covered all the basics: What are you into? Top or Bottom? Where do you live? Etc…

“Cheers” lived on the Upper Eastside, so there was no way at this late hour that I was going anywhere. Now this is where it all gets fuzzy…it was late after-all. We somehow got on the topic of jobs. I offered up that I worked in television, but he refused to tell me what he did. He was afraid that I would laugh. So of course I asked…are you a hairdresser or florist? I was right, he was a hairdresser. Well not just a regular hairdresser, he did celebs at photo shoots and for special events. Oh and then get this he says turn on TLC…so I change the channel and well there he was. Right there, in my living room on my television screen. He was the hairstylist on this new make-over show.
Now this is where it gets all sitcom like. Not only is it ironic that the guy I am cyber-sexing with online is on TV, he is making over a woman who I know – one of my back-up singers from the single I recorded years ago. Small world or what? Well the laughs didn’t stop there. Now that I had a full name, I started searching for him online – I love Google and Yahoo. It turns out, in a past life he was also a fitness instructor for the same gym that I was an instructor for. We knew all the same people…so why had our paths never crossed?

At this point I was ready for bed. And so we decided that perhaps we should meet for coffee the next day. So I asked for his number. He gave it to me, and so I called, just to make sure it was really his number. It was!

So now it was 4am and I was on the line with my handsome Brit. I am a sucker for a British accent, I mean a Brit could tell me to Fuck Off and Die, and as long as the accent was present, I’d just roll over and die…

We talked like two school girls on the phone until 6am. Neither of us wanted to get off the phone first (are you about to vomit?) Finally, we got off the phone. We left it that we would get together the next day for coffee at around 6pm.

Flash forward to Saturday afternoon. I get a call from him and unfortunately he had to schedule a client at 6pm. So our coffee would have to be postponed till the next day as I was going to a party with some friends at 8pm and there wouldn’t be enough time. He suggested we do dinner. I thought what a splendid idea.

I sent him a text message later that night saying I was headed home, because I was tired from being on the phone late with him the night before. And that I was looking forward to dinner the next night.

Sunday morning I wake up and head for the laundry mat, and then later off to the gym. It is now 2pm and no word from my internet lover. I decided to call him, just to reconfirm our date. I get his voicemail, so I leave a message saying I was looking forward to our date later in the evening.

It’s now 6pm and I pretty much figure I am being stood up. I am kind of baffled, what did I do? Did I come on too strong? And then it hits me, we met on Manhut, he wasn’t looking for a boyfriends he was looking to get laid!

Two days later I logged back onto Manhunt, mostly out of morbid curiosity, and found that his profile had been deleted. Only in New York Kids Only in New York!

What I've Learned In the Past Few Weeks

2006-10-25T04:09:00.000-04:00

As usual, I have to apologize for another long stretch of not posting. I've lost most of my readers (all 5 of you, lol) and this has mostly become an online diary for my own enjoyment.

All that said, here's what going on in my world.

I don't know what the hell is going on in the stars, but for some reason things just went crazy this month. Late last month I was interviewing for job, that I have to admit I was not 100% sold on, when all of a sudden strange signs kept popping up that gave me the false sense that the world was trying to tell me something. "Take this job."

Needless to say, as the second week of October arrived, I had the dreaded "talk" with my boss and received some disturbing news that set my whole world into a tail spin...needless to say the next day I was offered the job I was interviewing for, but still had to pass a drug test, and background check before I would be officially offered the position. Let's just say its all in the timing...one door closes and another one opens.

Finally, after a long sleepless week and a long over due visit home to see my parents, I got the news that the job was mine. I knew in my head that this was not my ideal move; but in lieu of the situation at hand, it was an opportunity not to be passed up.

I finally got to do the thing that I had been waiting to do all my life...I quit my job, and told them my last day would be Friday. Having known that I was on my way out (if one way or another), I had most of my desk packed up weeks before. Honestly, I never really made my desk, mine. Nothing brought from home, no real decorations...nada. Just an editorial cartoon that said "Yeah, I hate this job, but I love the built in cup holder!" Pure genius, you gotta see it, its damn funny.

Anyways, I took a week long vacation to LA LA Land to visit a dear friend. I had a great time, despite the fact the LA is LAme! Yah, you heard me, lame. Just not happening enough for me. I did have several brushes with fame, and the paparazzi - thanks to Lindsay Lohan. But by Wednesday, I was ready to get back to my home and chill for the rest of the weekend.

Well here it is the closing of my second day at the new job. Today I was sent to a meeting 5 minutes before it started, and have already been put to work...thrown head first into the deep end. I guess I've learned perhaps, watch what you wish for. Here I was lamenting about not having a career or a real job. Now I have one and I'm not so sure that I want it anymore -- what do you expect, this is me we are talking about here.

The sad part is that its got me wondering, will I ever be happy. Do I just find fault with everything. Is it me or is it the world? I suppose I might die, and never figure that one out. But at least I asked the question!

So what have I learned in the past few weeks? I can't really pin point it yet, but I am sure there is some great life lesson in all of this. Perhaps, if you read this you might learn something from my trials...ya never no.

Small (Screen) Wonder

2006-10-05T14:18:00.000-04:00

If you are wondering why I have not posted in a while it is because my Television has been holding me hostage each night from 8 p.m. until 12 p.m. I am truly digging the new shows this season as well as the programs that were picked up for another season.

Here is what I am watching:

Monday: The Class, How I Met Your Mother, Heroes and Studio 60
Tuesday: NCIS, Veronica Mars, Nip/Tuck
Wednesday: America’s Next Top Model, Project Runway
Thursday: Ugly Betty
Friday: Ghost Whisper, Doctor Who
Saturday: Can you believe this I actually leave the house on Saturdays!
Sunday: The Simpsons, American Dad, Desperate Housewives, Brothers & Sisters

If you aren’t addicted to the small screen, and only want to watch a few shows, here are my recommendations of WHAT TO WATCH.

Heroes is one of the best new shows on the block. The show is one part mystery, one part Sci-Fi and fantasy, and 100% drama. The characters are all relatable and very believable – perhaps there are people who can fly, are indestructible and can hear other people’s thoughts!

Desperate Housewives got over its sophomore slump and is back in business. This season has been funny, and very interesting. The plumber needs to come out of the comma soon – Hottie Mike Delfino, we miss you – but other than that the show is off to a great start.

America’s Next Top Model, Cycle 7, is a must-see realty romp. The girls are as caddy as ever this season. And there are a few standouts already. Only time will tell if my pony, AJ, “will have what it takes to become America’s Next Top Model.”

I hope my opinions will enlighten your television viewing habits. By the way, "What are you watching?"

Dating Karma 101

2006-09-27T19:55:00.000-04:00

I don’t know what it was, but two weeks back I was a Man Magnet. Seriously, these hot guys were coming up to me on the street and asking for my number. I am not being self-depreciating here (for once), but honestly hot guys just don’t throw themselves at me like that. The scene of two of the crimes was 7th Avenue in Chelsea, another was on the dance floor at the Roxy and the last was at a stoplight on 10th Avenue and 28th Street.

The first guy from 7th Avenue, “Puerto Rican”, called the very next day. We had a brief conversation. Then he was blunt and asked the all important question…Top or Bottom? We’re both tops…needless to say, he hasn’t called again.

“Roxy” sent me a text message the same night we met. He was all sappy about meeting me and how he would have pleasant dreams, dreaming of my kisses. I agreed to see him again. We went to dinner and a play and then on another date - a walk in central park and a nice dinner. Shortly there after, a college friend of his came into town, he desperately wanted me to meet her... we’ve been on two dates…and he’s already picking out the china pattern. Red flag!

“Stoplight” and I went one our first date, the same night we met. We had a lovely dinner where we talked about life and the artistic process. We made plans to go see an art exhibit together, but he flaked out and didn’t call me until 2pm the day of our plans - ten minutes after I had just made plans with “Roxy” (the central park date). He then said “I’ll call you later and we’ll make plans for tomorrow”. Sunday came and went and no call (surprise, surprise). Two days later a text message arrived: “Opps…I forgot to call you!” – No kidding flakey mc corn flake! We finally met up the following weekend, a nice walk down by the river, dinner and coffee. This “date” lasted 4 hours, but I couldn’t tell if it was a really a date. He wasn’t very touchy feely…so I wasn’t sure if he was into me or not.

I met the second guy from 7th Avenue, “Brazilian”, right after the 4 hour date with “Stoplight”. I was on the phone trying to decide what to do with myself -- go home or go out. On my way down 7th Avenue I passed by “Brazilian”, he smiled and waved, I thought to myself “Do I know him?” I waved back, but I was on my phone making plans so I didn’t stop. After my conversation ended, I turned around and walked passed him a second time. At first I thought it was “Puerto Rican”, but then realized it wasn’t. The guy said he’s seen me around for years, and has always wanted to say hello. Here was this really hot, buff, Brazilian guy saying this too little ole me. So in true NYC style, we ended up at a diner with his friend, then my pal joined us and we all went out to a club. “Brazilian” and I made-out for most of the night, he was very “hands on” and passionate, very different than “Stoplight”, who only a few hours before had me wondering if I was even remotely attractive. “Brazilian” left me with my pal at the club and gave me his number. Now as much as I love a hot Brazilian guy, I don’t do people who are here illegally – so I haven’t called him.

I am now just dealing with “Stoplight”, who was being all kinds of flakey and “Roxy”, who was becoming a bit of a stalker. I had a date Thursday with “Roxy”, we went to a nice little NYC café and had homemade gelato (a place I’d seen featured on a Food Network TV show). It was during this date that I realized I was not interested in going any further with this “relationship” – three dates in is a good amount of time to decide whether someone is either “In or Out” (thank you Heidi Klum). On Friday I went out for coffee with “Stoplight” and after a few cups of coffee we walked around aimlessly in the streets. Neither of us could figure out what to do or where to go. He was tired so we decide to just part ways for the night. His last words were “Would you like to come with me tomorrow night to hang out with some friends?” I said yes, he said “I’ll call you tomorrow and let you know the plans.”

Here is where the lesson in Karma comes into place…Today is Thursday, and I still have not heard from “Stoplight” perhaps he realized after three dates that he didn’t like me either. “Roxy” picked up on my vibe and e-mailed me an interesting note saying “I get the feeling your not interested.” Perhaps it was obvious since I didn’t return an e-mail from yesterday, where he offered to make me dinner at his place. So while I was dumped but the one I was interested in, I was doing the same thing to the other.

Oddly enough my co-worker is actually going through a similar situation right now…she is dating multiple guys, but needs to break it off with two of them as she has fallen hard for one of the guys. I said we should probably send the guys notes along the lines of this:

Dear Guy:

Have you seen Shannen Doherty’s new show on Oxygen - “Breaking Up with Shannen Doherty”? Let’s save ourselves the humiliation. Need I say more?

Best,
Pablo

Ugh…why is dating so hard. And where is my prince charming?

And So It Begins

2006-09-21T01:07:00.000-04:00

The fall television season has begun and so starts my addiction to the moving picture box. Perhaps I should check into the Liza or Whitney suite at Betty Ford.

Tonight's line includes the two hour premier of America's Next Top Model, Cycle 7. I thought that it would be followed by Project Runway (where they reveal the final three designers who will show at NY Fashion Week) Opps my bad they are keeping us waiting until next week!

The first installments of the "My Life as a Cover Girl" commercials are really boring. Tyra should get her money back, because Danielle - aka "Dani" - still doesn't know how to talk and lacks a personality. Joni would have been so much better!

As for as this Cycle is concerned, I have already picked my ponies: A.J. (hot photos but why is she so insecure?) and Megan (rock the short hair - will they give her extensions next week?). And maybe CariDee - she had a good picture.

The bitch in the house is Monique (hopefully someone will knock her down a few pegs). And what's up with Megg - she is so loud and obnoxious.

I love a pretty Indian girl, but Anchal isn’t her (She doesn't think she is beautiful and neither do I!) And the twins are just scary looking! Bulimia and Anorexic, good call Mr. J.!

Here it is 1 hour and 30 minutes into the show and only one quick shot of my husband Nigel. And seriously where is Janice Dickinson?

Tyra Banks should pitch a new show called "Bad Actress", cause Grrlll what was that crazy diva act you did?

Quick message to the CW Network: Rachel Perry is annoying on VH1, what made you think she'd be any better on your CWH segments? Oh and props to fellow blogger Perez Hilton for his cameo. Hey we share a name...maybe he can hook me up with a guest spot!

I feel like I've only said mean things thus far...so I guess I should say something nice. Um...I can't think of anything...Oh wait here is one "Nigel is Hot!".

New Prizes: Elite Models (Ford is out), Seventeen Magazine Cover (no more Elle and Gil Bensimone?) and the old standby a contract with Covergirl. Who will be America's Next Top Model???

Long Time No Speak

2006-09-15T13:51:00.000-04:00

As usual, life sometimes gets in the way of me blogging. Why is that? This should be the most important thing in my life, right?

So here is what's happening, or not happening in my life:

LOVE LIFE
I've met a few new boys. Ok they are all men (aged 37-46). Why is it that I am a sucker for the old guys? Please Mr. Therapist, tell me why? I have a great relationship with my dad, so I am not looking for a "father" figure. I really don't seek out the elder-gays. Really, I don't! I always hope that the hot Salt & Pepper hair is attached to some young guy who went prematurely grey. Alas, that is never the case.

So the current guys on the menu include a former Buddhist, an artist/designer and a hot Latino I met on the street. Here's the low down: The Buddhist is in love with me after only two dates (which totally turns me off), the artist is as flakey as a croissant and the Latino guy is a top and we know that Two tops do not make a bottom (I think that is in the laws of physics!). Needless to say, I am all hot for the flakey artist. Why? Cause I obviously love a good chase, and ultimately don’t have any self-respect.

MY CAREER
My work life has me all a flutter(big surprise, I know!). I am hoping that the new moon on Sept. 22 will change the tides and bring me that new job that’s been alluding me for the past two years.

I have come to grips with the fact that it’s really just me. I obviously don't want to work at all, and have set up my own road blocks in getting ahead in life. All I know is that staying here is killing me inside -- I am like a wild horse whose spirit has been broken by a mean trainer.

Today is payday, as always, I wish it were more, but have no right to actually complain. I just ask that everyone keep an ear to the ground. You know what I want to do for a living...one of you must know someone who can help me! Please!

MY FAMILY
I think they are about to disown me. And I can't say I blame them. The stork should give my folks a refund, because they got a lame child. It's not that I don't love my family. I just don't enjoy visiting my hometown or spending long periods of time with my family. I keep in touch with them on the phone, regularly. I just wish they lived closer. That way I could drop in for dinner and then go home, vs. having to spend 3-4 days at their house. We get bored with each other after the first night, and then start arguing about silly stuff for the rest of the visit. Ugh.

FUN STUFF
This week was Fashion Week in NYC and unfortunately another season goes by and I still wasn’t unable to land a seat in the tents. I really would have enjoyed going to the Project Runway finalist shows held this morning at 9am. But beggars can’t be choosers, so I would have gone to anything.

On a final and positive note, I have an out of town guest staying with me this weekend. I am looking forward to hanging out with her and our other friend for the next two days.

So that’s the scoop, thanks for traveling on this journey that is my Vida Loca.

Project Runway Jumps Shark

2006-08-31T01:23:00.000-04:00

I am sitting here watching tonight's episode of Project Runway on Bravo and I have to admit that it finally has jumped the shark.

First off, why bother having the models on the show this season? They haven't been used? This week the designers will be the models. Which brings me to the next problem, it’s a women's wear competition, so why do the designers have to design outfits for themselves? The poor guys are getting the shaft in this challenge.

So you might argue that this is similar to a challenge last season where they made each other over, but this is way to early in the season.

Between having to use weird materials (trash and the stuff from the apartment), working in teams and having to design for regular (aka fat) women -- I don't really feel like I know what any of these designers can really do. When will the madness end? Heidi, if it ain't broke don't fix it.

So You Think You Can Sing? (aka Celebrity Duets)

2006-08-30T14:45:00.000-04:00

Fox premiered its new variety style talent competition last night with a two hour long episode featuring some of today’s most “successful musicians” and a cast of celebrities “not known for their singing abilities”. Of course I watched, and like with most of these programs I wondered how in the dark does the network really think America is?

For starters, the judges are not the cream of the crop. Marie Osmond, how d-list can you get, and if they were looking for sharp-tongued commentary then why call on Little Richard? The man looked and sounded like he was on drugs last night. And unfortunately the only judge with a real opinion, uber producer David Foster, is last on the panel and gets cut off each time because of time limitations.

Next we should move on to the Celebrities who are giving singing the ole college try. So this crew definitely doesn’t sing for there supper, but most of them have earned a buck or two singing a few tunes. Did the Network really think that with the presence of IMDB and Google -- that viewers wouldn’t quickly find out that many of the “contestants” have in fact done this before. Incidentally, all this info is also on the networks official site, too.

For example:

Jai Rodriguez, best known as the Queer Eye guy with out a real talent, has appeared on and off Broadway in Rent and Zanna, Don’t! just to name a few. And he had a gig performing Monday nights with his band at XL (a NYC gay bar.)

Lucy Lawless, best known for her role as Xena or America’s Top Lesbian Icon, has also appeared on Broadway in the musical Grease! and she has sung at many benefits and concerts.

And the list goes on… Leah Thompson was on Broadway in Cabaret. Alfonso Ribeiro was a child star, appearing in The Tap Dance Kid on Broadway and recorded several dance/pop singles for Island Records. Chris Jericho has his own rock band.

So why was none of this mentioned on the show last night? It’s not like Simon Cowell called an real bunch of amateurs and said “hey wanna try singing?” Is all lies, except for Carly Patterson who really is the only novice in the bunch, the rest have all sang professionally…Fox what’s the deal?

Heard on an Elevator

2006-08-26T14:57:00.000-04:00

Little Girl: Mommy where are we?
Mom: Remember that silver spoon you got when you were born?
Little Girl: Yup!
Mom: It came from here, we're at Tiffany's!

The Cold (Sore) War

2006-08-23T15:16:00.000-04:00

Cold Sore

Starts with a tingle
Next come the ugly blisters
Seven days to heal

As you can probably guess from the Haiku above, I am suffering from a cold sore (or a fever blister as they are sometimes known). I am depressed about it, which only serves to make it worse.

It is my own damn fault. A recipe for success:

Too much sun + too many late nights + making out with a man with a beard + stressing about my life = Cold Sores.

What kills me is that I take such good care of myself otherwise. I eat right, I exercise, I don’t drink, I don’t do drugs and I don’t smoke. Yet I suffer from chronic bouts of canker sores and often get cold sores. What gives?

I’ll now be ugly for next 7 to 10 days as I go through the cycle (blisters, puss, cracking, yellow crust, red skin, healing). Maybe I’ll just tell people I got in to a pub brawl and was punched in the mouth? Is that better or worse?

Apparently the man upstairs hasn’t ever gotten lucky and doesn’t want us to enjoy sex either…otherwise he wouldn’t have made some many STD’s. It’s just a thought.

My Reality, TV

2006-08-17T03:00:00.000-04:00

I spent the entire night watching television. From 8pm until Midnight. Reality TV rocks!

The night started with So You Think You Can Dance…which is less reality and more entertainment. I have to admit, America ain’t got a clue when it comes to talent. Travis was screwed (ironically enough that’s the name of a song by Paris Hilton). While I feel Benji was fun to watch and was very entertaining, Travis was hands down the best dancer. It really doesn’t matter; cause what happened to last year’s winner? Travis will continue to work…I found a video of him in a Dr. Pepper commercial from when he was 9 years old. Go Travis! And Mia Michaels loves him, so I am not worried. And for all those pedophiles out there, come on now -- gay or not the boy is only 18…

Next on the line up was Project Runway. I never agree with the judges selections, but then again everyone has a very different aesthetic. However, I am over the whole have them use crap to make dresses…yes, this week they used trash! Hands down Vincent wins the Whack Job of the Year award! What more can I say on that, if you watch the show you know what I am talking about. Nina’s accent cracks me up. As much as I hate to admit it, I did really like Jeff’s dress -- it was hot! It should have won over Michael’s dress (which I also liked, but not as much as his coffee filter dress). And poor Allison, somehow Vincent hangs in one more week, why?

And finally I tuned into Workout! on Bravo. Lesbians, a hot southern boy and a gym…need I say more.

I love my television. Now if it could only love me back…

It’s in the Stars?

2006-08-15T01:13:00.000-04:00

I don’t really believe in things that I can’t touch or see, so I don’t know why I read my horoscope or Susan Miller’s Astrology Zone. But this month Susan’s forecast includes a special message just for me…

Another way this moon may work out is that you may be asked to come before the public, to speak, or to host a TV show, as Neptune will see to it that your face appears "out there."

What does this mean? Is my future really in the stars?

Why Am I Like This*

2006-08-09T02:23:00.000-04:00

*Special disclaimer, this post is not going to be funny.

So tonight I spent time with a close friend and we talked about life. I’ve come to the conclusion that life sucks. Unfortunately, this is not a new revelation.

So how do I figure out how to just enjoy life despite all the pit falls and disappointments? I’ve mentioned in many posts, that I have nothing really to complain about: I have a stable job, a roof over my head and people who love me. And yet I still do complain, what I don’t have is a job I enjoy, an apartment I am proud of or someone special to love and that loves me back.

So I need to figure out how to find balance. Most importantly, I need to stop measuring myself up against benchmarks such as heirs and celebrities. They are really anomalies, the truth is they are one in a million cases…and I have a better chance of getting hit by lightening.

But to quote a line from one of my favorite musicals, A CHORUS LINE, “All I want to be, is just happy!” And its true…that’s all I want. Here’s to finding it!

If you’re a heterosexual woman don’t read this

2006-08-03T22:47:00.000-04:00

I told a gal pal of mine today to check out my last post. I think it’s funny, and most everyone who I made read it all found something funny about it. But when asked what she thought she had this to say, “It is more bitchy/bitter than funny.” Well Fuck Her! You know what, perhaps it is, but it’s still funny. I guess she feels some how guilty cause she is slowly becoming one of “those people” I am referring to. She just recently got engaged and I am more than happy for her. I want her to be happy, and if marriage and children means happiness then you go for it!

But what I am talking about she’ll never truly understand from my POV. Ok, as a single girl I am sure she has felt the pressures from other women….When are you getting married? When are you having a baby? And if she chooses not to do either of those things -- well there it is, she has the choice to do so…guess what, I don’t. At least not right now.

But here is what she missed from my last post -- this is my recipe for humor folks: self-deprecation with a dash of bitterness and some bitchiness to top it off.

So perhaps she is not my intended audience. In fact she isn’t my first gal pal to take issue with my anti-coupling and breading agenda. But at the end of the day everyone is allowed to have their own opinions. So they can have theirs and I’ll keep mine….So if you’re a heterosexual woman don’t read this! Hey, that sounds like a great book title to me!

And I then I drove off into the sunset…

2006-08-02T15:48:00.000-04:00

So tonight I had to suffer through a steak dinner at Ruth’s Chris Steakhouse with my seven male (and one female) co-workers. Ok, so I shouldn’t complain about a free meal -- don’t get me wrong the $40 dollar steak, $8.50 mashed potatoes and the $10.70 apple tart were excellent! But, yes and here it comes, I had to sit though conversations about everyone’s kids, summer homes and complaints about high property taxes. Topics I really have nothing to contribute too.

My favorite topic of the night was how everyone met their wives (please note the intended sarcasm!) I am not married, so I was not asked. But here is what I really wanted to say but didn’t, “I am not married, because the only place in the US I can get married, is Massachusetts!” Wonder how that would have gone over at this table full of conservative rich republican males?

So after the meal we had a caravan of cars waiting in front of the restaurant to take us all home. Three of guys all live in NJ, so they were piling into one tiny town car. Picture it, our boss is a “big guy” (read that as fat)and is 6'2" tall.

So, a driver called out my name and proceeded to walk me towards a big, black Escalade. Here was little ole me (ok, not so little at 6' tall), getting into this pimped out, rapper style, don’t fuck with me truck while the manly married men all crammed into there Lincoln clown car...it’s the little (or in this case the big) things that make my life great.

1st Anniversary

2006-07-31T03:15:00.000-04:00

July 29th marked my blog's one year anniversary. I can hardly believe that I've been blogging for one whole year already. Ok, so I've only posted 84 times in 365 days, but hey that’s better than nothing, right?

Looking back over the year's worth of posts basically shows me that I am still stuck in the same place I was back then. I am still at the same dead-end job, seeking a more creative position, still looking for love, etc... That makes me sad when I think about it?

But I think this year has been a great lesson for me. I've learned what not to do!

And knowing this is the first step to getting where I want.

On Friday I went for a much over-due HIV test. Fortunately, I am negative. I was really worried about an incident that occurred last summer...drugs are bad...enough said about that. Oh, don't worry I wasn't doing any...but the guy I was with apparently was.

So with this information I have a new lease on life. I will attempt not to repeat the same mistakes, but I am only human after all.

So stay tuned folks. Let's see what fun and excitement this year brings.

New Music (new to me at least)

2006-07-24T20:17:00.000-04:00

I am really in love with KT Tunstall's song "Suddenly I See". Those of you who have seen The Devil Wears Prada will recognize the song from the open sequence of the movie. And those of you who watch So You Think You Can Dance will recognize it as the song they play when saying goodbye to the female who gets kicked off the show each week.

Last night, I spent time in Virgin Mega store. While there I listened to Morningwood's entire album. What a fun record. I have copy of their first single "Nth Degree", which I enjoy, but it is not really representational of the rest of the album. The high energy rock n roll, borders on Punk! But Chantal's, the lead singer, vocal stylings make the music very easy on the ears. I love the hard rocking guitars. I also like the campy "Take Off Your Clothes", drag queens every where should be adding this to their acts, and I imagine it would work well in the strip club as well -- I'll be sure to suggest it to the girls at Mr. Wiggles World.

So go forth and listen! Enjoy!

Random Thoughts of the Day

2006-07-14T01:15:00.000-04:00

I watch too much Reality TV (Top picks right now: So You Think You Can Dance, Project Runway, Kathy Griffin: My Life On the D-List and Making The Band 3).

I was surprised to find out tonight that Vincent, a contestant on Project Runway, isn’t gay – in fact he has a wife. Seriously, he’s not gay?

America should not be in charge of voting on So You Think They Can Dance! America doesn’t know anything about dance.

Why are there six Pussycats, the other five don’t do anything…its all about Nicole.

If I were straight, I would marry Nicole (from The Pussycat Dolls). She’s is hot!

P. Diddy, Puff Daddy, Sean John…what ever you call him, he’s still an ass.

I am so glad I didn’t have a film crew watching my every move while recording my record.

Remember Making the Band One? O-Town, what a mess!

Ashley Angel is on tour with Ashlee Simpson. Can you say MTV generation?

Am I too old for MTV? Where is the Music on Music Television anyways.

I think I am going to use a faux British accent from now on. I would use an Australian one, but I can’t quit figure it out yet.

I want to go out tonight, but have no one to go with.

I told you these were random thoughts…

The Great American TV Talk Show

2006-07-11T01:33:00.000-04:00

I am sitting here watching Larry King Live on CNN. Tonight’s guest is Kathy Griffin. I will admit I really enjoy her comedy, she is one funny lady.

I don’t think it is any secret that I want to be famous. Mostly, because I want free shit and secondly because I really want to be on programs like Larry King, Ellen and The Tonight Show with Jay Leno.

When I first moved to NYC, I dreamed about being on The Rosie O’Donnell Show. But then she up and quit the show before I became famous (damn her!) And that Caroline Ray didn’t make a good replacement. But it seems I’ll have one more chance now that she is joining the ladies of The View.

Currently, I have my sights on Ms. Tyra Banks and Megan Mullally’s new show.

So how do I become famous? What’s my special talent?

I used to think that I was going to be a famous Broadway star – that didn’t work out because I don’t like the life of the staving artist.

Next, I thought I was going to be a Pop Star. And you guessed it, that didn’t work out either – my producer was unable to secure new music for me to record because I wasn’t signed, but I couldn’t get signed without a demo of new music. What a vicious circle.

But honestly, I’ve already had my 45 minutes of fame – that’s three 15 minute installments of temporary fame.

My first brush with fame came in 1998. I was an extra in the movie Mickey Blue Eyes staring Hugh Grant. I can be seen walking down the street in the final scene, which we shot in Central Park. I was in Charleston, SC when the movie came out. My friend and I went to see the very long, but funny movie. As I said I don’t appear until the very final scene. On the big screen I was larger than life…when my friend saw me, she screamed, “Oh my god, there you are!” Of course, everyone in the theater turned around and wondered what all the commotion was about.

The next moment came in the summer of 2001. I made an appearance on The Ricki Lake Show. Now I was not on an episode called “That Tranny is My Baby Daddy!” Actually, I was featured as one of the choreographers for Ricki’s Pop Star Boot Camp. You might think no one respectable watched that show, but everyone I knew saw the episode. Messages on my answering machine went something like this: “Um, Pablo, I was on the treadmill at the gym tonight, and I think I saw you on Ricki Lake…was that you?”

My final moment of fame came when I worked as the Publicist/Spokesperson for a nationally recognized entertainment attraction located in the heart of Times Square. I made appearances on local news stations and on a few nationally syndicated entertainment programs. My favorite appearance was on Access Hollywood. Once when I went to get my car fixed by my local Pakistani mechanic, Rocky, he told me that he saw me on the show and asked, “So if your famous, why do you still drive this piece of crap car?” He was referring to my 1988 Dodge Omni, which he had pretty much rebuilt over the years. I had to tell him that I just got to talk about famous people, and that I wasn’t famous myself…not yet at least.

Feel The Burn

2006-07-09T21:50:00.000-04:00

No this post is not going to be about my insane workout schedule (I work out six times a week with one day of rest every three days!) or is it about how I didn’t use sun screen and got a bad sunburn. The story I am about to tell is comical, yet the reason that I am home on a beautiful day posting a new entry in my Blog.

I am Italian (viva Italia…winners of the 2006 World Cup!) and like many men of Italian heritage we have what is known as a Uni-Brow. To prevent myself from looking like a Neanderthal or Bert from Sesame Street, I make sure to maintain the area between my eyes. My trusty tweezers usually do the trick and are the most painless option (waxing hurts!).
For the past few days one very thick hair decided that it would take root right smack dab in the middle of my brow. This hair obviously liked its home, because no mater how hard I tried, I could not get it to budge.

In a moment of blind rage I decided to try some Nair (a hair removal product). I thought, since I can’t pull you out, I burn you out.

I applied the wonder product on the little devil, hoping for success. After a few minutes I wiped off the area as directed. Unfortunately, Nair was no match for this hair, it was still in place -- taunting me.

I reapplied the depletory lotion in hopes that a second application would do the trick. After 4 minutes, I once again rinsed of the product and the hair was still there!! Aggh!

And apparently the skin in this area of my face is very sensitive (duh!!!). Now not only was the hair left in place, but I managed to burn off a layer of my epidermis. I was mortified as not only did I not get rid of the hair; I now made it look 10 times worse.

I didn’t go out last night, because I look like a monster. And I chose to stay home again today because I am embarrassed by the red mark that has developed right between my eyes.

I’ve tried icing it, antibiotic creams and now have applied some Aloe Vera in hopes of getting the red out.

If it looks the same in the morning, I think I’ll take a sick day. I am sick after all -- sick in the head for being so vain that one little hair drove me over the edge. But what’s a boy to do?

Please don’t make this same mistake, you’ve been warned. Nair is the spawn of the devil. Take heed.

Where's the Beef?

2006-07-06T15:56:00.000-04:00

Yesterday, I was treated to a lovely lunch at BLT Steak.

Here is what I had:
N.Y. Strip Steak (16oz): $42.00
Asparagus: $8.00
Iced Tea: $3.50
Peach Cobbler w/ Almond Sorbet: $10.00

So like me, you are probably wondering why a steak would cost so much. Well thanks to the folks at Wikipedia.org I have learned all about this special cut of meat.

“The strip steak, Kansas City or New York strip steak, is one of the highest quality beef steaks on the market. Cut off of the back of the cow from the strip loin, the strip steak consists of a muscle that does little work, and so it is particularly tender. Unlike the nearby filet mignon, the strip loin is a sizable muscle, allowing it to be cut into the larger portions favored by many steak eaters.” (Courtesy of Wikipedia.org)

I did some more research and found out that you can buy a live cow for $1.17 per lb. That is quite a mark up right? In comparison, if I bought 16oz of Gold that would cost $10,036.80, so it looks like I got a bargain.

On a side note, because the strip steak is cut from a part of the cow that is close to the spinal column, it has been one of the steaks that attracts the most concern with regards to Bovine spongiform encephalopathy, AKA Mad Cow Disease. Like that will ever stop me from eating it, right?

I Need a Vacation

2006-06-23T18:48:00.000-04:00

So my friend in Paris just sent me an e-mail detailing his plans for his 1 Month Vacation (aka Holiday). Yes, you read that right 1 Month. Now tell me why we live in here?

So I asked: "How are you able to head back to work after such a long break?"
His response: "Holiday is our national sport. We are trained to cross long periods without working (but being paid)!"

What a life, right?

Happy Gay Pride?

2006-06-21T20:03:00.000-04:00

So this post is going to sound a little self-loathing, but if it wasn’t then it wouldn’t be a post by me, now would it?

It’s National Gay Pride Month (yes the homosexuals get to celebrate all things Gay in the month of June (May would have made that rhyme…why didn’t some other homo on the planning committee think of that?)

The culmination of the month-long celebration in New York is the Pride March down 5th Avenue in Manhattan. It takes place on the last Sunday of the month.

In the beginning I was all excited to celebrate “Pride”. I’d be decked out in my rainbow pride jewelry and waving my rainbow flag as I cheered along with the other homosexuals in the streets.

But other years I have boycotted the March. One year I worked out at the Gym on 23rd and 8th Ave. in Chelsea – it’s has a predominantly gay clientele, so I usually avoided it. But that day it was completely empty and was part of my silent protest.

So why would I protest a March (aka a parade) that celebrates diversity and promotes the “Pro-Gay Agenda”?

For Starters, I just don’t get parades in general. As I always say about the Puerto Rican Day Parade, “If they love PR so much then why don’t you live there?”

The Gay Pride March is really just a freak show. It opens with Dykes on Bikes, features every drag queen and tranny in the city and a host of floats with hot shirtless boys. Oh ok, there are some “special” touches like the Moment of Silence for the people lost to AIDS and some political activism groups are represented fighting causes like the ever popular “Pro-Gay Marriage”.

What I hate is that 25 plus years later we are still dealing with hate crimes (Kevin Aviance was beaten up just last week), people in the closet, AIDS and the anti-gay marriage agenda proposed by our very own President. So what has this March really helped to change?

The media still doesn’t get it either. I know pictures of people holding banners in support of gay-unions doesn’t sell news papers and that photos of shirtless lesbians on motorcycles and messy men in drag does. But that’s not my life. Nor the image I want my parents and friends to have of my “Life Style” – as my Mom likes to call it.

So what am I trying to say here? I wish for everyone to just get along, or at least tolerate one another. I long for the day when people can marry who they want, people can live freely and openly and we can stop marching for a “cause”.

I live my life as an open book. But I don’t feel the need to scream down the street “Hey, I am a homosexual!” However, I do take every chance I can get to show the world that I am just like everyone else: I want to live the American Dream, find someone to love and love me, and have the freedoms that we are all supposedly guaranteed by the Constitution.

Ok, I’ll come down from my soap box now.

Forbes: The Celebrity 100

2006-06-16T16:08:00.000-04:00

So the Forbes list of the top 100 highest grossing celebrities is out and once again I didn’t make the cut. I am sure I fall just short of 100, and maybe next year I’ll make the cut (keep your fingers crossed).

Coming in at #1 is Tom Cruise -the man we all love to hate (or at least I do)! I would like to start a Tom Boycott, he has enough money. Please stop buying his crap!

Coming in at #84 is my girl Tyra Banks. I guess all my talking about ANTM has helped boost her bank account, so what about me? Where is my cut? Tyra is the check in the mail?

Just when I thought I couldn’t get anymore depressed about my financial situation, I then read the “Dead, Buried And Still Rolling In It” list. Elvis tops this list; he brought in $52 million dollars last year. And Curt Cobain came in 2nd with $50 million dollars. So this tells me that even dead people are making more than me…no fair. I need to write a brilliant song like “Smells Like Teen Spirit”, die and then have my crazy widow license it for some silly commercial.

Winning my “Why do People Have to Spell Their Names so Funky Award” is Ronaldinoh, the soccer legend. Ok, I know he is Brazilian, but still! He ranks in at # 53 with $26 Million.

Can you believe that only one homosexual made the list, Nathan Lane, and he is teamed up with Mathew Broderick (wonder how SJP feels about that?). “The Acting duo”comes in at # 92 with a total of $9 Million.

So as I aim for inclusion on next year’s list, I ask myself one important question, “How?” Perhaps, I’ll find some rich guy to marry (or demostic partner with) and our combined incomes will put us on the list.

Site of The Day

2006-06-07T15:12:00.000-04:00

So I just spent the entire morning learning things from the best How-To Website in the world. Ok, maybe I am exaggerating a little bit, but it is a cool site if you want to learn things like how to do a "Wall Flip", survive for three days in the woods or make invisible ink. All this and more can be found at wikiHow. Enjoy. I know I did.

My iPod Shuffle: The League of Nations

2006-05-25T19:55:00.000-04:00

I am the proud owner of an iPod Shuffle. While it only holds about 120 – 4 minute long songs (I think I currently have 136 songs on there), I must admit that my iPod is multicultural.

I have five languages and seven countries represented!

Here’s what I got going on:

Giorgia, Italy, Italian
Christian Castro, Mexico, Spanish
Ha-Ash, Mexico, Spanish
JD Natasha, US, Spanish
Ivete Sangalo, Brazil, Portuguese
Kelly Chen, China, Mandarin
Yanzi, China, Mandarin
Guy Sebastian, Australia, English
Vanessa Amorosi, Australia, English
Delta Goodrem, Australia, English
Melanie C, UK, English
Melanie B, UK, English
Geri Haliwell, UK, English

And a host of other American singers who all sing in English!

Now that’s pretty eclectic, right?

I'm Still Here!

2006-05-22T17:48:00.000-04:00

So despite what I said in my last post, I have not yet taken the step toward poverty. For some reason I am struggling with the personal debate over whether I endure this hellish job for a while until I figure something out, our endure the pain an suffering of not being able to buy nice dinners and over priced jeans that make my ass look hot.

On a sidenote. Sirens magazine posted a link to my blog via this months Letter from the Editors. So if you are new to my blog, Welcome! I hope that you'll say hello.

Poor Me!

2006-05-16T16:52:00.000-04:00

So as I approach the finale year of my 20’s I ponder what is the appropriate gift to give myself?

I mean what do you give the guy who has everything (stress, depression, fatigue and low self-esteem)? How about poverty? I am thinking (less thinking more action) of walking off my job today! Yup, I want to quit in the worst way.

As I see it, why bother being miserable and making money, when I can just sit at home and be miserable, poor but not have to deal with the people and this place that I hate!

I ask myself what I did so wrong in this world to have put myself in this situation. Well, there are too many mistakes to mention them all, but I know there has to be away to get out from under this dark cloud. See this is where in the movie version of my life, that the clouds part and the voice from above yells down the answer…

Wake up Pablo…life is not a movie…so no answers from above.

So all that is left to say is “Happy Birthday Pablo…I hope you enjoy your present.”

Would you want these people as your friends?

2006-05-11T15:24:00.000-04:00

The photo above is from the Members Page of a financial industry organization. I don’t think I really want to be a member of this group. Look at the picture, would you want to socialize with these people. They all seem kind of sketchy. Here is my take on the men for L to R.

Guy 1: He looks like he has a secret…perhaps he is gay?
Guy 2: Why is he smiling? He is having an affair – with Guy 1’s wife.
Guy 3: Don’t leave this man alone with your children. He looks like pedophile! Check his hard drive for kiddie porn.
Guy 4: All that comes to mind is “Ah, Which way did he go George?”

Snarks of The Day

2006-05-09T19:48:00.000-04:00

It occurs to me that all pop stars need lessons in dictation. How many times have you thought the words to a song were were quite different than the actual lyrics. For example, Ashlee (I just got a nose job) Simpson’s song Boy Friend – I just realized she is not saying "I danced with your boyfriend" and in fact saying “I didn’t steal your boy friend”

The office would be much more productive if people brought their babies into work everyday! I don’t know which is worse the baby screaming and crying or the stupid baby talk from all the adults!

Sad News

2006-05-03T19:15:00.000-04:00

One of my favorite readers (a co-worker/friend) passed away today.

Finding out this news has really upset me and made me think about my own life. One day you are here, and the next day you might not be.

It is not that I am not afraid of death; I just feel sorry for the people that get left behind. It is they who suffer from the pain.

I also vow not to listen to people when they have foolish pride. This friend would not let people visit her in the hospital, as she did not want to be seen as weak. Because of that foolish pride, I missed out on the last 4 months of her life! We only spoke a handful of times on the phone. I felt guilty bothering her or making her explain things multiple times.

I do have fond memories of her. She was my salvation in the work place. She made me laugh, smile and get though the crappy days in the office.

I’ll miss her and cherish the time we did get to spend together.

Take Your Kids To Work Day

2006-04-26T20:17:00.000-04:00

What used to be a day targeted at helping to get young women interested in careers traditionally held by men, this “national holiday” has now morphed into a less discriminating and more inclusive day for all ankle biters (male and female alike).

In honor of this special day, I've decided to rename it:
National Take Your Kids To Work and Annoy Your Coworkers Who Don’t Like Children and Thought That The Office Was The One Place They’d Never Have To Deal With Kids (Pause) Day

Tomorrow, 62 children will be at my office and spend a fun filled day learning about the “magic” that happens here. Not! More like, they’ll get fed and entertained by our resident balloon animal maker.

So Why am I so opposed to this day?

Fact: I don’t like children. Ok, hate is more like it. And just like cats – who must know that I am allergic to them and therefore crawl all over me – kids love me. Anytime I’ve dated someone with nieces and nephews, the kids usually fight over who gets to sit next to me at the dinner table or in the car. Ugh!

It makes one wonder, what lessons will these kids actually learn while inside the hollowed halls of this wonderful institution?

Perhaps they’ll get to see Mommy and Daddy slack off. Or meet that annoying co-worker or boss they bad mouth at home. “Billy, this is where daddy makes his coffee every morning and afternoon…see a Starbucks machine right inside the office, cool, right?!”

I wonder if this visit will really influence any children to consider doing this for a living. Or if it will even make them want to grow up and work period!

The day was still focused on girls when I was off age, but had I ever gone with my mom or dad to work I probably would have known right away that working is not for me!

Annoying Co-Workers

2006-04-25T19:24:00.000-04:00

So we all have one (if not more), that person in the office who you just can’t stand to be around, that you avoid getting caught in the kitchen with and that you have blocked on your AIM. The Annoying Co-Worker (ACW).

I am currently dealing with my own ACW. I’ve never felt so trapped in my own office. She is the neediest person I have ever met. And she has no idea how annoying she is.

First of all, she grates on my nerves. Her mere existence is a thorn in my side. One of her many flaws is that she does not know how to end a conversation. If she comes by your desk, she will chat on about nothing for hours on end and totally disregard the fact that we are at work, and that I might actually have things to do. Fortunately, I have mastered a technique that ends the conversation; I head to the bathroom – my sanctuary away from this pest. Thank goodness we don’t have co-ed bathrooms like on Alley McBeal. However, she is oblivious to her own level annoyance and has yet to figure out that I end every conversation with a trip to the bathroom. Clue phone, ringing off the hook!!! Please pick up!

I feel bad for my female co-workers who can’t avoid her with the “I have to pee” excuse. A female co-worker tried my surefire technique and she was followed in the bathroom and back out…extending the conversation even longer. Oh and did I mention she is loud when she comes over to talk, and then babbles on about a relationship that we all think is made up and about sports which you all know I don’t give a fuck about.

Here is where I am at fault. In fact we all are at fault because no one wants to attack the problem first hand. We are held captive and live in fear of just confronting her. I mean how hard would it be to just say, “Yes, I blocked you from IM because you are annoying and I don’t want to talk to you!” or “Woman, when I stop paying attention to you that means the conversation is over!”

Now I know there are the bleeding hearts out there who think that I am cruel and that perhaps I am a mean co-worker. I mean after all she is just trying to fit in, make new friends – too bad I don’t want to be her friend.

My rule to my co-workers and friends is that if I am annoying please just tell me. I wish I could just tell her how I feel. Perhaps she will stumble upon this Blog and think to herself, oh my god this is me! But no, she would be more apt to say, “Oh my god, I know I have this annoying co-worker, too.”

Will the light bulb ever go on for her?

Mission Impossible?

2006-04-24T14:47:00.001-04:00

I need to make a change in my life. It occurs to me that I don’t have any friends. Ok, I do have friends. In fact I have some very good ones. But I don’t have many friends with common interests that are readily available for fun!

Here is where the problems begin. It seems to me that gay men have only one motive – to get laid. I am guilty of this as well. Many of the men that I meet and talk to in bars are guys that I am attracted too. I am always on the hunt for a man to marry – ok I’d settle for a nice date right about now.

When I am out I don’t make any new friends – and then I go and screw things up by sleeping with guys that I really should just be friends with. Sex is great, but friendships would be so much better.

I am not solely to blame either. As I mentioned, most men work with the same motive. So I meet people that I think will become good friends, but find out they only talk to me because they want to hook up. So then it becomes all awkward, ugh.

So what’s my mission for the rest of the year? Meet new people, make new friends and just enjoy myself.

Down with Office Depot

2006-04-19T20:40:00.000-04:00

This is just a quick call to action for all my loyal readers. Please Boycott Office Depot. I had a very bad experience with them last night and told the customer service rep that because of lousy service, I would tell all my friends not to shop at there. So don’t!

Here is what went down:

On 2/23/2006 I purchased a laptop. I bought this particular computer because it had all the bells and whistles and had a huge rebate offer that brought the price down well below anything else I looked at.

I didn’t get a chance to take it out of the box until 2 days later (I was really busy!). After using it only twice, I noticed some defects on the screen.

On 3/2/2006 I brought it back to the store and asked to exchange it for a new computer. The manager took the computer out of the box, turned it on and saw the spots on the screen. I was given a replacement – but in the process they had to scan the new one into the computer and give me a second receipt. The refund offer expired on 2/25/2006 so I was worried that receipt with the new date would screw things up, so I begged that they give me the original (I am such a pessimist). Everyone at the store said that it wouldn’t be an issue, but they gave me the receipt anyway.

So I attached both receipts along with the rebate information and the proof or purchase. I thought that they would be able to figure it out.

Flash forward to last night, six weeks later. I came home to find a post card in my mail box from the rebate center. The message said that my “submission” was “invalid” because “Your purchase is outside the qualifying dates of this offer.”

I immediately called the phone number on the card and explained the situation. Of course the female customer service rep who answered my call was unapologetic and told me I needed to mail them everything over again. She barely gave me a chance to rebuttal before she rushed me off the phone.

That didn’t sit right with me. There must be an e-mail or fax number where I could send the copies of the receipts and take care of this instantly. I mean after all they are Office Depot, they sell these wonderful technological advancements.

So I call back and get Patrick on the line. I explain the situation to him. He informs me that the original paper work was scanned by a computer, and perhaps it disregarded the first receipt. So I ask if he could possibly go back and check the paper work that I sent in. He tells me that he doesn’t have “access” to the original paper work. I then asked about a fax or an e-mail. Again, no dice they aren’t able to do that either. Hello!!! Office Depot sells this shit!!! What are you talking about? No fax machine??

So I ask to speak with his supervisor. Assuming that if I get someone higher up that I will get somewhere with this whole process. Patrick informs me that it will be about 10 minutes before I can talk his supervisor. I assure him, that I am not trying to get him in trouble I just want someone with more power to handle this problem.

Ten minutes go by and I am still on hold. At the 15 minute mark, I think to myself, they are hoping that will give up and hang up…but that’s not happening, I am on a mission.

Twenty-five minutes later Kimberly answers the phone. I explain the whole situation to her – for the third time! She tells me the same things the first two people have told me. Again I express my disbelief about the lack of a fax machine. I ask her about my original paper work, to which she responds, “You sent the paper work to Detroit, Michigan and I am in Mesa, Arizona.” Great!

Thoroughly disgusted, I ask for an address to which I can send an angry letter. This information is readily available (surprise, not!) I tell Kimberly that she needs to speak up to her superiors about this situation. I mean wouldn’t it make her job so much easier if she didn’t have to deal with irate customers.

In my final burst of anger I tell her that I plan to relay this story to all my friends in an attempt to start a Boycott of Office Depot (Hence this post). She wasn’t amused, but informed me that she didn’t work for Office Depot, she works for a company that OD has outsourced this work too.

I was also informed that it will take another 4-6 weeks for the rebate to be processed. Will I ever see my money back?

The “Third World” City I Call Home

2006-04-17T16:48:00.000-04:00

Recently I have been reevaluating my life in NYC. It has not been exactly what I would have expected for myself – cut to footage of my Mom driving away in the car, crying. This is not to say that I haven’t found financial stability, cause despite how much I loath my job, I do get paid well above the average compensation. I would not call it financial success, but that is because to live a normal life in NYC you have to make a minimum of 6 figures a year.

One thing that puts things into perspective is the way we heat and cool our homes here in the big apple. I, like most New Yorkers, have radiators in my apartment. Many old buildings (which would about 80% of the housing in NYC) have them. When I first moved here, I didn’t really get the concept. My house had forced air heating and central air conditioning.

So it was cultural shock when I realized that I had to live with these large metal objects in every room of my apartment. They are not only ugly but very dangerous as they get really hot. There is not a thermostat, either. So there are only two settings…Cold or Really, Really Hot!

What is even more unbelievable is that people will actually purchase apartments for ½ Million dollars or more – with radiators.

I live in the most expensive Third World Country. I could be the new poster child one of Sally Struthers causes…except that for in NYC for the price of coffee ($0.25 according to her) you can’t even buy a cup of coffee – let alone feed anyone in this village.

The River Stix

2006-04-11T16:46:00.000-04:00

So I met a guy this weekend. He was nice, attractive, single, seemed stable and to my knowledge isn’t a drug addicted crack whore.

“So what is the problem?”

He lives in New Jersey. And not the nice close parts like Jersey City or Hoboken, but Perth Amboy.

I am not one for long distance relationships. And this really shouldn’t count as one – except that it would cost like $10-12 round trip on NJ Transit to visit him and his phone number would cost long distance.

Can a relationship survive the great distance? I mean we are separated by two rivers!

Site Counter

2006-04-06T20:45:00.000-04:00

You may have noticed that on the left side of the screen lives a newly added site counter. It started as of today, and at Zero -- although, I've been posting for about nine months.

I hope to see the number reach McDondald's like statics: "Trillions and Trillions Served"

ANTM Cycle 6

2006-04-06T20:38:00.000-04:00

Dear Tyra Banks & The Judges of America’s Next Top Model (ANTM):

I have been a loyal viewer of ANTM since Cycle One. While I have no ties to the modeling industry, I am however an average consumer with an opinion on my likes and dislikes.

I just wanted to let you know that you made the wrong decision by letting Molly Sue go last night. She had yet to be in the bottom two and then you sent her packing. Why?

Last season you let my girl Kyle go, and now this. I have lost faith in your ability to find America’s Next Top Model.

One more thing, please bring back Janice! Not just for some quick cameo, but as one of the judges. She may be crazy, but she knows her shit!

Sincerely,
Pablo Perez, Disappointed Viewer

Dying To Be Thin

2006-04-05T16:45:00.000-04:00

I am so over the world’s fascination with the Celebutants and wafer thin actresses/models. I say bring back the girl next door. Cause if your neighbors look like Paris, Lindsay, Nicole or Hilary – you probably live next door to a crack house.

"I went into the kitchen to grab a snack, when I came back to the living room there were lesbians having sex!"

2006-04-04T14:08:00.000-04:00

-Pablo Perez on watching Queer as Folk during the free preview of Showtime

Scary Movies

2006-04-03T20:05:00.000-04:00

Why do we have such absurd fears? This weekend, I watched the 2004 box office smash – Saw. It is a physiological thriller, with a touch of gore. Think Brad Pitt in Seven or The Silence of the Lambs

I am not an irrational person; I know the difference between reality and the world of make believe. But when a movie (or TV program) is so well written and acted, I can get caught up in it all. In fact, I was on the edge of my seat throughout most of this movie and my heart was racing like the Indy 500.

After the movie, I was scared shitless thinking about how the scenario in the movie could actually happen to someone. There are some sick motherfuckers out there. I turned on all the lights, triple checked the locks on the doors and windows, looked in the closets and phoned a friend to talk me down.

SOHO House

2006-03-31T19:22:00.000-05:00

The following questions are from page 5(out of 6) of the application for membership at SOHO House. How would you answer these? Remember your acceptance to this exclusive members-only club is based on your answers! Gotta love NYC.

1. What is your favorite bar?
2. What is your favorite restaurant?
3. What is your favorite hotel?
4. What makes you laugh? (10 words or fewer)
5. How do you think your friends would describe you? (25 words or fewer)

My answers:

1. Eagle NYC
2. Tie between Food Bar(I love the French Fries) and The Ear Inn (The huge bucket of muscles for $5.95!)
3. SOHO House (Do I get extra points for sucking up?)
4. Two words: This application! (Is sarcasm bad?)
5. Pablo is articulate, charming, clean, creative, friendly, funny, handsome, happy, intelligent, personable, snarky, successful, well dressed, well groomed, and witty.

Summer Time

2006-03-31T12:52:00.000-05:00

I am not trying to rush the season – cause I love me some Spring – but I just wanted to put out advanced notice of my summer wish list:

1) I would like to enjoy a few weekends poolside on Fire Island. I would prefer a house with a view of the bay. The sunsets are gorgeous. But beggars cannot be choosers.
2) I would like passes to enjoy the rooftop pool at the SOHO House. I will gladly buy the libations if you hook me up.
3) Before I can do the items mentioned above, I need to first find a rockin’ bathing suit – a white or black square cut. I borrowed this hot D&G suit from a friend last summer; perhaps I’ll find one of my own.
4) I would like a healthy tan. I don’t want another Brazil experience.
5) I want a new job at a company that does Summer Fridays. Not those lame half-day Fridays where if you pick up the phone after 12pm you are pretty much stuck in the office till 5pm. I’ll settle for at least every other Friday off.

Please let me know if you can make any of these wishes come true.

How Many Licks Does It Take?

2006-03-30T18:38:00.000-05:00

I know for a fact that I have little or no patience for anything. For instance, I can't stand getting stuck behind slow people. And today those kind of people were everywhere - on the street, in the subway and at my office...ugh!

Another problem that is a byproduct of my “deficiency” is that I can't suck on hard candies or lollipops. I sat here today contemplating the old adage "How many licks does it take to get to the center of a Tootsie Roll Pop!" After about 10 licks and maybe 2 minutes of sucking, I just gave up and did what I always do - I bit into the damn thing.

Apparently as the wise Owl says, "The World may never know!"

What does this mean about me?

Secret: Strong Enough For A Man, But Made For a Woman

2006-03-28T18:53:00.000-05:00

One of the weekly challenges, on Cycle 5 (last season) of America’s Next Top Model, was to shoot a commercial for Secret. Each one of the girls had to personalize the commercial by revealing their own secrets. True to Reality TV form, a catfight broke out because Jayla stole Nik’s secret – she was afraid of the dark and sleeps with a night-light.

Well by now, I am sure that everyone has seen the real commercials that were produced. You just gotta love that fabulous tag line – “What’s My Secret?”

I thought it would be fun to poses this question to myself, so here goes:

1. What’s My Secret? I hate my job and my co-workers. (Ok this is nothing new; ya’ll new that already!)
2. What’s My Secret? I sing and dance in front of the mirror while lip-syncing to bubblegum pop. (Again, is that really much of a surprise, let alone a secret?)
3. What’s My Secret? I love hairy, masculine, muscle men! (Nope, not a secret, but I won’t tell you who I have a secret crush on…)
4. What’s My Secret? I have a nipple piercing. (Of course it hurt, it was a sharp needle being thrust through my flesh!)
5. What’s My Secret? I really want a cool star tattoo on my back (unfortunately, I am too chicken to get it done)

Ok, enough about me, now it’s your turn. “What’s Your Secret?”

What Not To Wear

2006-03-28T15:00:00.000-05:00

I am by no means a fashion plate. In fact, I dress in the same “uniform” everyday as I head to work: Black flat-front trousers, a black button down shirt and black square-toed shoes. While my wardrobe is limited, there are a few items that that I can’t stand to see anyone wear.

Converse Chuck Taylor All-Star Sneakers

It really sucks when I see a hot guy and as I give him the once over, and I make it down to his shoe selection and see that he is wearing a pair of Converse sneakers.

They are the worst looking, fitting show in the world. People think they are being all cool and retro by wearing a sneaker from the early 1900’s – but they are seriously doing their feet a disservice by wearing them. These sneakers offer little support for the ankle and foot. And frankly they are like walking around bare foot.

Peg-Legged Pants

Pants are not meant to have tapered legs. This horrible fashion craze from the 1980’s is making its way back to the runway and stores. I much prefer a boot cut, that is fitted in the ass and thigh and flares out to a modest boot cut (not a crazy bellbottom – the 1970’s were not to pretty either).

Pleated Pants

While I am on pants, I must point out that pleated pants are also dreadful. If you are tall and thin, pleated pants are just not flattering and dangerous – if you get caught in a strong gust of wind, the air can get caught in the flaps and you could take off. And if you are fat, well do you really need all that extra fabric – enough said.

A Dear Pablo Letter, From the Girlfriend I Never Knew I Had

2006-03-21T19:25:00.000-05:00

So yesterday I read an interesting article in Sirens, a new online chick magazine. It was about a phenomenon known as the Fag/Hag Relationship (AKA Will & Grace Syndrome). For some reason this article really hit home. No, I wasn’t just relating to the article because it was well written and talked about a situation close to my heart – the damn article is actually about Me, personally! Mind you, it is based on me, and a bit embellished – she didn’t get all "James Frey" on us, just some poetic license.

It is funny how that until I saw it in print, I never realized how dysfunctional my relationship with my “Fairy Princess*” was.

*I don’t like the term fag hag. I surround myself with beautiful people (I am not that shallow, inner beauty counts, too.) For me the term “Hag” conjures up images of girls with low self-esteem (whether skinny or fat, short or tall), and I don’t like to be around that.

I never considered my gal pal anything more than that. She was Nicole to my Paris, the jelly to my peanut butter – you get the picture. In fact, we tried to start a campaign to become the next “It” couple (Move over Olsen Twins). But our dreams were dashed when outside a screening of The Cat in The Hat we stopped to pose for the paparazzi and the flash bulbs suddenly stopped. How dare they, didn’t they know who we were? They weren’t there for us; they wanted to get pictures of Uma Thurman and her kids.

I will admit, as the article points out, there were moments when we crossed a few lines of the “relationship” – Be it friends or lovers. But I would never have thought that what we had was any more dysfunctional than the other friendships I have with other woman or men for that matter.

My main problem with the article is that it is a precautionary tale for the women. After all, Sirens is a magazine for the ladies. But you know who really gets hurt in the Fairy Princess/Gay Guy relationship, the gays! Cause in the end, the girl gets the guy, the house, and the kids. Not that I personally want any of that, but I wish I at least had the option (vote yes on legalizing same sex marriage).

It is so sad that when a girl settles down, and has babies she expects everyone else to jump up and down and scream hurray. Meanwhile, we end up losing our pals and are forced to care about the little ones that they pump out. Fine, things change. I am ok with that, but I still think you should have a balanced life and not cut those friends out who knew you when…I am just saying is all.

So now I’ve really gotten away from the topic of the article, but this is after all my blog and I can ramble if I want to.

No hard feelings to my lady friend. In fact she’ll be in town tomorrow and is my date for an opening at the Museum of Sex. There will be lots of inappropriate touching, and she better be wearing high-heels and a low cut blouse – that’s right Girl, you better turn it out for me!

Back to Front Page!

My Blogging is Like My Bowel Movements, Irregular!

2006-03-15T13:57:00.000-05:00

They Come From A Land Down Under

It occurs to me that because I constantly strive to be perfect, and not just post non-sense on here, I will often go weeks with out posting. I mentioned to Rey today, that I had not posted in a while cause I was tired of my own self-deprecating humor. Seriously, my attitude about life needs some adjusting – and making light of myself, really isn’t helping. But I have to admit it has made for some funny posts, right?

“So then what do I write about?” - I’ve wonder to myself. Is it better to write about nothing, than to never have written at all?

One suggestion Rey made was to post the soundtrack to my life. Anyone who knows me well knows that Music (Makes the People Come Together) is very important to me.

Thank you Apple for inventing the I-pod shuffle. This pocket-sized bundle of joy makes it easy for me to transport about 150 of my favorite songs – thus keeping a soundtrack to my life always at hand.

My song selection varies from month to month, hell from minute to minute. I have OCD when it comes to new music. I’ll play a CD to death; I think I have actually scratched some CD’s from over use (can you do that?)!

Currently, Delta Goodrem is providing part of the soundtrack to my life. She is a #1 selling pop star in Australia. Thanks to my neighbor, I have discovered her music. Currently, she is living in NYC right now recording an album for release in the US – I must meet her. I am so looking forward to its release later this year. One song in particular, “Fragile” has been getting heavy rotation.

As if one Australian Pop star isn’t enough, I am also hooked on Vanessa Amorosi. Her albums came out about 4 years ago. But again, thanks to the same neighbor, I am just discovering her music as well. I love, love, love both albums that I recently added to my collection. She is just fun and poppy…just the way music is meant to be.

The last stop on my musical journey to Australia is Guy Sebastian – the 1st Australian Idol. I fell in love with his single “All I Need Is You” way back when it came out, but just recently acquired it for my collection.

All this talk about Australia makes me think about two men who passed through my life. Aussie Man One and Aussie Man Two. Both men hold special places in my heart…although I could never really be with either. Number one live in NYC, but he is in a 6-year relationship, and number two lives in Australia – we met while he was inNYC on holiday last fall.

Will Lunesta really turn off the voices in my head so I can sleep at night?

2006-02-27T17:47:00.000-05:00

I have problems sleeping at night. I am sure that this is a culmination of several factors.

1) My sleep habits
2) My mind won’t turn off
3) I need a new bed

So I have attempted to address these problems in an effort to get a great night’s sleep.

I will admit that I stay up late and try to get up early in the morning. Please note the word “try”. I usually hit the snooze button about fifteen times before I actually get out of bed. Why don’t I just set the alarm for later? Right?

I usually get sleepy when I get home from work, but I resist the urge to catnap, knowing full well that if I do, I’ll be up all night. I have always been a night owl. I love the nightlife and I worked in theater for 10 years – my day was usually split in two: school/day job then 5-8 shows a week at night. I was always hyped up when I came home from rehearsal or a performance. This always made the next day hard – burning the candle at both ends will do that to you.

Since that time, I have taken to late nights out on the town and late-night television. I just can’t seem to get myself to bed at normal times. And weekends are even worse. I’ll stay up till dawn and sleep until way past noon. My poor body just doesn’t know what to do with itself.

My mind is always thinking, usually crazy thoughts about how much I hate life and the world…so imagine what it does when I attempt to go to bed early. The silence is filled with the insane ramblings of my unsettled mind. My work/life drama seems to be the current fodder for my nightly monologues. In an effort to silence the voice, I have turned to drugs – don’t worry, no intervention needed. I am just taking an occasional Ambien (I know the headline mentions Lunesta, but my doctor gave me Ambient instead. I have only used three so far. And while they do knock me out, I feel groggy the entire next day. Like I am in a haze. So those aren’t really helping, now are they?

Last weekend, I went bed shopping. I’ve been sleeping on the same $160 mattress since I moved to NYC in 1997. I assume it is time to put old Bessie out to pasture. So on said shopping trip I went to Sleepy’s (the mattress professionals) where I fell in love with a $3000 mattress and box spring. Those who know me, know that I would never spend that much on a bed, and now I have tasked myself with finding a comparable bed that costs much less.

So the vicious cycle continues, my back is sore so I don’t sleep through the night, I think about how much a new bed costs and freak out about the money and don’t sleep at night, I taken another Ambien and feel exhausted the next day and the drama continues…

A-List, I am Not

2006-02-15T12:52:00.000-05:00

It has recently occurred to me that I am not on the A-list. In fact, I am not even on Kathy Griffin's D-list. I am not on any list period.

For a long time I spent my life being a +1 - My friends used to get all the invites and I was their escort. But lately, I am not even a +1.

Here I am in NYC, center of the world, and I haven't been to a party in months.

I know I really shouldn't complain (but I will anyways). I mean I have been extremely lucky over the years. I've gone to record release parties, launch parties, Broadway opening nights, Museum/Gallery openings, sat front row at a few concerts and had many a night of celebrity watching. My friend Rey recently lamented about having to attend these functions, I would trade places with him any day!

Last week was Fashion Week in NYC - the one frontier that I have yet to conquer. Seriously, who do I have to know to get a ticket for a fashion show at the Tents in Byrant Park. I didn't even get my usual invites to designers (who no ones ever heard of) showing outside the tents or any after parties this year, either.

This all has me worried. I know that my career change (conservative + financial services = death!) has affected my status in the scene. Not that I was ever a big player – re-read above. But, why bother living in the biggest (not to mention most expensive) city in the world, if I am not going to party like a rock star. I might as well settle down and move to the burbs.

Can you picture me living in the suburbs, with a mini van and 2.5 children. Me either! So some thing has got to give!

Fresh Popped Culture

2006-02-03T13:54:00.000-05:00

It is rare that I ever read GQ magazine - actually having just read a copy yesterday I am convinced that advertisers think that the readership is mostly gay. Check out the current issue on newstands now - it features Heath Ledger on the cover (oh boy another reference to the gays - Broke Back Mountain!! - Did I miss the memo that this was a gay rag?) On the very last page of the magazine, GQ wrote an open-letter to Nick Lachey. It is so brilliant and funny! And honestly, it had some great advice for the ex-Mr. Jessica Simpson! Click here!

Speaking of the Simpsons (and I don't mean Homer, Marge, Bart, Lisa and Maggie), has anyone seen Ashlee Simpson's new video for L.O.V.E. I think she is channeling Gwen Stafanie in this song/video. Is there anything original left in the music world?

And while I am on the topic of Pop-Tarts (I love the cherry-filled, icing topped ones the most) Last fall Virgin records released a new artist named Hope Partlow...her stellar marketing team was able to land her an appearance on The Tonight Show with Jay Leno. I went to her website yesterday to see if she would be performing in town anytime soon. But alas all good thing must come to an end. It turns out the she has been dropped from the label. Check out her journal entry for Jan 2,2006 - she's not bitter, lol. Unfortunately, the 16 year-old is now waiting tables at a local restaurant in her home town! Fame is so fleeting.

Hey There You With The Stars In Your Eyes

2006-02-02T11:09:00.000-05:00

I really don’t know what to believe anymore. Is our life on a fated course or do we have influence over the outcomes in our lives? And if we are in charge of our own destiny, what other factors might come into play?

I ask these question because for the past few years I have been reading Susan Miller’s Astrology Zone website each month to see what the stars have in mind for me.

Can it be true that the planets, sun and moon are all important forces in our lives?

I missed my monthly forecast for January, but read it after the fact. The stars predicted that I would travel to a far away destination. She listed off a few places – "The holidays are over and you need a vacation. Spin your compass: Bali? Rio? Aspen?" – well low and behold I had just returned from Rio! Coincidence? Am I reading too much into this stuff?

This was not the first time Susan’s predictions were dead on. Another example took place back in 2003. I was laid off from my job, and again I went to see what Susan had to say about the month – she mentioned something happening at work, possibly a lay-off. Several other times she has made some startling predictions that have come to pass.

The reason I ask these questions is that this month’s forecast hit home. Apparently, due to some specific planetary alignments and a few full moons, February is the month for me to set the wheels in motion career wise. Anyone who knows me knows that this is the biggest factor plaguing my life right now. While I may have a decent paying at the moment, I don’t consider it a career. My career end about 2 ½ years ago and I’ve been in survival mode ever since.

What troubles me is that this news only serves to frustrate me. The rules of astrology work in mysterious ways. When the stars are right, it is time to act. And only if you take control of your actions (with aid the from the planets) then you can succeed!

The problem is I am so frustrated on where to even begin. I lack guidance from any kind of mentor. I’ve never been able to find someone to help me in this career journey. Sure I could hire a career coach but do I really want to pay someone to help me? And can they really guarantee success? Probably not!

So as always I pose the question to the masses (all three of you who read this blog) – what should I do? According to Susan, time is limited and I only have the first few weeks of February to set the course of my future.

Help!

Fun in the Sun: 101

2006-01-27T16:15:00.000-05:00

I learned some important lessons on my sojourn to Brazil – especially when it came to the sun.

Having grown up in a land locked area, Central New York, I was not one for going to the beach, ever! I spent my summers at the public swimming pool, so I am no stranger to sun bathing. Unfortunately the rules about the sun I grew up with do not apply in Brazil.

In New York you tan between 10 am and 2 pm. And for a dark completed Italian such as myself – trophy lotion (SPF 2) is perfect for getting that summer time glow.

Not the case when you are closer to the Equator. Brazilians in Rio do not head to the beach until 3 pm. And stay till around 6 or 7 pm. These are the best times to get what they consider “healthy sun”. Just a small footnote…there is no such thing as healthy sun – it is all bad for you.

Silly me, I didn’t heed the warnings. I mean, I couldn’t return from the tropics with out a tan, right. So I headed to the beach at 10 am, and applied some nice sun tan lotion, SPF 6. After a few hours in the sun, and a few dips in the ocean, I switched to sun block with SPF 15. I left at 3 pm (just as all the hot boys were arriving!). By this time I could no longer stand the sun and desperately needed to seek some shade.

My second mistake: Seeing as though it was winter in NYC when I left, my lips were dried out and cracked. I had been using my medicated ChapStick to help heal them. Little did I know that using lip balm was like rubbing lard on my lips.

Later that night I felt quite ill. I thought it could possibly be sun poisoning. I looked in the mirror and my forehead was bright red, and felt leathery to the touch. And my lips were all blistered. Not a pretty sight.

I still had 5 days left to my trip, and I could barely stand to be in the sun. I went to a few drugstores to purchase sun block and a lip balm with SPF. Both were insanely over priced and on principle (more like foolish pride) I refused to buy any.

So unfortunately here are the lessons I had to learn the hard way:

1)Sun yourself between 3-7pm. Allow the tan to gradually develop, instead of the fly fry approach.
2)Use of SPF 30 or higher is recommended. You can still get a tan, and not get burned in the process
3)ChapStick is bad; use a lip balm that contains SPF.
4)Bring supplies from home. It is cheaper and better to be prepared.

Nom Falha Portuguese

2006-01-26T18:07:00.000-05:00

As usual I have to apologize for a brief hiatus from my blog – I was away in Brazil for vacation. I had access to a computer, but why would I want to spend time indoors when I could be on the beach in Rio?

As far as vacations go, this one was pretty typical (meaning it included tons of drama). One of the main reasons I went to Brazil was to visit a good friend who I have not seen in four years. It doesn’t seem like it was that long ago. But let’s just say that time flies, except when you are stuck on a plane for nine hours on your way to Brazil.

My trip began on the morning of Friday January 13th. Perhaps, this should have been an omen as to what was to come in the following days.

I arrived at LGA at 9 am and jumped on a 10am flight to Atlanta. Because of bad weather, and the fact that I was flying standby for the entire trip, I made sure to get out of NYC as early as possible. I arrived in Atlanta at noon and found a comfortable corner and waited seven hours until my 7:35pm flight to Rio De Janeiro, Brazil. One of the perks of flying on a buddy pass is that you can get upgraded to 1st class if it is available. Unfortunately, I was one person away from getting the upgrade and had to sit in back of the plane with the rest of the riff raff. Before departing for my trip I had gone to the doctors to get Antibiotics to help get rid of a sinus infection, and while I was there I got a prescription to Ambien – I can’t sleep on planes so I thought I would get some help. But I didn’t fill the prescription because my doctor also gave me samples of Rozerm (a new sleep aid). Well needless to say nine sleepless hours later I landed in Brazil – I should have gotten the Ambien.

After a long wait at customs, I finally came down the staircase to the pick-up area. I was expecting to see my friend’s smiling face waiting there for me – he was nowhere to be seen. The Cariocas (the people of Rio) are very aggressive. I was asked multiple times by multi people if I needed a taxi. Mind you, no one in the airport spoke any English. So after 30 minutes of waiting, I realized my friend was not picking me up. And to add insult to injury I had lost the piece of paper with all his contact information. So next I had to find an Internet place (they call them LAN Houses). I paid $3.00 for 5 minutes of Internet time. But I was able to get the information I needed for my e-mail. I then had to buy a $10 phone card, so I could call my friend. He had gone out the night before, got back to flat really early in the morning and fell asleep. The front desk was supposed to give him a wake up call but forgot!

Now this was my first indication that this trip was going to be drama filled. I mean why would he go out and have a booty call the night before I arrived. After all it had been 4 years since we saw each other last. I had to bargain with the cab drivers and ended up spending R55.00 (Brazilian currency) to get to Copacabana.

We spent the first few hours catching up, gossiping about people in NYC and talking about his new life in Brazil. We then took a walk to the beach, after all that was what I was there for, right?

The sun in Brazil is HOT. At 3 pm in the afternoon, you can still get horrible sunburns. Which I did! My scalp was fried, as were my shoulders. My friend ran into some of his friends at the beach, none of them spoke English. So I stood around, bored out of my mind, while he socialized. He didn’t want to translate (its gets tiring he says).

So after getting too much sun too quickly and working of off little to no sleep, I begged that we go back to the flat for a nap.

It was my first night in Rio, a Saturday, so I figured we should go party. We ended up at this club called Cine Ideal – it was in an old movie theater. The space was cool, but the crowd was not. They were all cracked out on E, K and GHB. I know that people in NYC do drugs but I had never seen so many people so out of their heads. I love to dance and I love happy house music with lots of vocals. Needless to say these drugged out queens had no appreciation for vocals and would get restless if the DJ spun a “good tune”. I wanted nothing more than to go home and sleep.

When my friend lived in NYC, he didn’t drink or do drugs. That had changed since he had been back in Brazil. And he was not a fun drunk. That night at the club, we had our first of many fights. He knew that I was exhausted, burnt and had no clue how to get back to the flat. But he insisted on staying out and kissing boys! I thought that was selfish. I mean he lived in Sao Paulo and was working in Rio and could go out any other weekend. To me, if you invite someone to visit you in your country you should feel responsible for making sure they are having fun and stay safe. But I guess that is just me.

Needless to say, I waited for him and we left the club at some ungodly hour of the night. I paid for the cab, cause he had spent all his money on alcohol – what if I had didn’t have enough on me either?

Well needless to say I was prepared to get back on a plane and go home. I had not been back to Brazil in four years for several reasons, one being the expense of it all and the other being the language barrier. And the language barrier was proving to be a sore spot for me again.

So I decided to stayed, but unfortunately went through the same scenario each time we went out. He hooked up and I was left to fend for myself. I will admit I am a survivor so was able to get back home each time. But the whole situation was not cool for me. Not being able to speak the language sucks, and then once they figure out you can’t speak, you never know if you are getting taken for a ride (literally and metaphorically).

More to write about later: Sun Burn 101 and The Good Parts of the Trip (including Monkey Sightings, Corvado/Cristo and Flying Business Elite!

New Year, New Ways to Communicate

2006-01-06T15:18:00.000-05:00

The New Year comes along and everyone makes resolutions to work more productively at the office. My boss decided that one way to help cut clutter was to restrict the number of brokers that sent him e-mails. When one of the companies on his Do Not Contact list sent him e-mail, he sent the following response.

Dear X:

Due to severe constraints on my time and limited resources to pay brokers, I have significantly cut back on the number of brokers with whom I am willing to take meetings going forward. Your firm did not make that cut. Please take me off all e-mail distributions from your firm in the future.

I mentioned to a co-worker that it would be great if people were always this direct, especially when it came to potential relationships. I usually just don’t return people’s calls if I don’t want to see them again after a first date. I just assume that they will get the point – sometimes they just don’t get it. In an attempt to be a better communicator, I have made some changes to the letter above and will be sending this out to guys that I no longer want to date:

Dear X:

Due to severe constraints on my time and limited resources to pay for dates, I have significantly cut back on the number of people with whom I am willing to go on dates with going forward. You did not make the cut. Please do not send me e-mails in the future.

Best,
Pablo

I think this should work well, how about you?

Ready...Set...Blog

2006-01-03T16:39:00.000-05:00

So I know it has been a minute since I last updated my Blog. And I actually had people mention that they missed reading my random thoughts on life…so I promise that I will try to update more often in 2006. That said, I am already setting myself up for failure.

So here’s what I’ve been up to:

This past weekend was a total bust. I developed a head cold and spent most of the weekend between my bed and the couch. (Real exciting, right?) I think it is a post holiday relapse. I’ve been in non-stop party mode since early December and think my body finally said enough.

I rang in the New Year at home, alone. I watched Dick Clark’s count down show. Would someone please tell me why that man forced himself to appear on TV? I think it is great that he wanted to get back on the horse and ride it, but come on Dick, you had a stroke – take a break! It was really sad to see him in that condition and the oddest way to begin a New Year. Not to mention, why didn’t someone cut out his microphone when he started smooching with his wife…the slurping noise was disgusting.

New Years Eve is not my favorite holiday. Honestly, sick or not, I still would have been home alone on the couch. For starters, I party the other 364 nights of the year. NYE is my official day off. Besides, I don’t feel like paying inflated cover charges for places that are hardly worth the usual price of admission. More importantly NYE is amateurs night. I hate being out with people who don’t know how to party responsibly (damn drunks). My office Holiday party was bad enough for that problem.
Yesterday, I spent the entire day watching the Wildfire all-day marathon on ABC Family Channel. I reviewed this show in an earlier entry. I had missed a few episodes, so it was great to sit and watch them all from start to finish. And then at 8pm the new season began! It is a good wholesome family show, um, NOT! I sat there wondering why the teenaged characters on the show were getting laid and I am not. I’ve got to hand it to ABC Family, they sure push the envelope – they certainly aren’t PAX TV.

ANTM the Final Entry

2005-12-08T16:03:00.000-05:00

Top Model: Cycle 5 is officially over and Nicole was crowned top bitch. I know this news will make some folks happy (yes it’s over and you won’t have to read about ANTM here anymore).

I will admit that this season the show might have “jumped the shark”. I love watching a train wreck as much as the next guy, but seriously the judges were on crack this season.

Some good people were booted out too early in the completion, leaving behind some lack luster choices for the final three.

I’ll admit that Nicole looks like a model. But what is different, unique or individual about her? Nada! And her blasé attitude (What does a girl in the mall say – Like What Ever?!?) really kills me.

As I said, her competition wasn’t that great either. Bre took ok pictures, had the worst ghetto accent ever and was short. On the plus side she did have a big personality.

Nik took nice photographs as well, but in person she was boring. To boot she looked crazy in her Cover Girl photo – her smile was off.

I was asked to today what I thought of the winner…my answer is this I would have rather had Tyra say, “And America’s Next Top Model is…no one, ya'll suck!”

All I Want For Chistmas Is...

2005-12-05T10:25:00.000-05:00

I already have my two front teeth, so I thought it would be helpful to let everyone know what is on my holiday wish list this year:

1) A new Job - but you knew that already!
2) A boyfriend - preferably someone successful, smart, handsome (6' tall, buff body, hairy chest)
3) Laptop computer - PC, perhaps a Sony Vio
4) iPod 40GB- time to upgrade to the full version, although I do love my shuffle
5) Black square-toed boots - I am not feeling this pointy shoe thing at all
6) Black suit - As much as I hate wearing one, I should have one in the closet just in case
7) Plasma Screen TV - The larger the better
8) Bed - queen size, pillow-top
9) Jeans - A good fitting pair, to show off my booty, low cut/boot cut
10) New Clothes - everything from socks and underwear to dress slacks and shirts
11) Good will towards men and peace on earth

My night at the OTB Mixer

2005-12-02T10:18:00.000-05:00

Sorry to do this to all my loyal readers (LOL) - but I promised someone that I would blog about our outing last night. Funny I should use that word. I was not really at the OTB last night. I was actually at an OTF (Out in TV and Film) mixer. The group is supposed to be made up of people who work in TV and Film, and who are gay. I only meet one of the criteria, but want desperately (as you know) to work TV, so I attend these events to network. Usually, I sit on the sidelines and hang with the same people event after event. But not this time, I made an effort to break from my shell and meet new people.

I met some lovely new folks -- mesmerizing them with my comic timing and witty repartee. My recipe for success is a heavy dose of self-deprecating humor, mixed with equal parts of commentary on the setting and pop culture.

People usually think that I am funny, and I have actually had people suggest that I should do stand up comedy. Unfortunately, I am a flop when it comes to writing down my jokes. My brand of humor is what I like to call "Situational Comedy" (patent pending). I am best making stuff up off-the-cuff. Even now, as I sit down to report on my night, I find it difficult to recreate the jokes, the laughs and the over all good times.

One of the flaws in my system is that "foot in your mouth" situations are bound to happen. For example, when trying to do a funny take on someone's comment about ecstasy (I joked about the drug) of course that person was a recovering addict, clean and sober for 5 year (with the coin to prove it. Unfortunate that I made light of such a serious thing like addiction, but seriously I am still chuckling of that situational comedy! Thankfully the German’s have a word for this, Schadenfreude (Pleasure derived from the misfortunes of others). Someone has to be the butt of a joke, that person is usually me...so I am allowed.

Why Is 28 The New 16?

2005-11-23T14:04:00.000-05:00

So here I am in my late 20's and I feel like it is picture day on the first day of high school all over again. I am suffering from adult acne. Zits, pimples, blemishes, blackheads, whiteheads, call them what you want, I had a horrible breakout this week. Perhaps due to stress or depression or maybe the weather change, who knows.

To make matters worse, the breakout only adds to my stress, which causes me to breakout even more. What a vicious cycle.

What's worse is that adults are just as cruel as kids. I mean I felt the stares from people at work, on the train and at the gym. Oh the gym, what a horrible place with all its mirrored surfaces. I couldn't even hide from my ugly mug.

I spent over one hour in the drugstore last night attempting to find the magic cure that would clear up my skin. I am sure one product works as well as the next but I hoped to make an educated purchase. Where is “consumer reports” when you need them? I mean you hear all the testimonials on the TV infomercials for that wonder treatment (you know the one used by Britney Spears, Jessica Simpson and even P. Diddy). But does it really work? Does any of it work?

I settled on a face wash with salicylic acid, a honey and vitamin C facemask, and a spot cream with 10 % benzoyl peroxide. Hopefully my face will cooperate and I’ll be able to face the world again. Or perhaps it will just get worse from all those scary chemicals.

I Got Dumped

2005-11-20T20:22:00.000-05:00

So Saturday afternoon brought me some interesting news. Perhaps you have read in previous posts that I was "dating" someone for the past few months. I use that word in the purest sense as we were in fact going on dates. No official commitment had been spoken of or made as of yet.

My intuition is strong and I knew something was up over the three few weeks. I mentioned before that I was miffed that I had not been included in any of his plans while he had friends in from out of town. And the icing on the cake was last Saturday at his birthday party, where not one of his friends had the moment of recognition when I was introduced to them. "Oh this is Pablo!" was not exclaimed once at the party. So I knew something was up. I mean not to toot my own horn, but "honk!" - I am someone you want to bring home to mom and dad and introduce to the whole damn family for that matter. But not in this case.

So flash forward to this weekend. We tentatively made plans for Saturday...after a week long of excuses: I am tired, I have a migraine, you get the picture...he says on Friday that we should do dinner Saturday night. Ok, I say. Well Saturday comes along and by 2 pm, not a word is heard from the asshole. So I call, as I am not in the mood for games. After much hemming and hawing, and more excuses he reveals that he doesn't have time for me and that he has made other plans for the evening with a friend. As I said I am not stupid and just boldly say, "I don't think you want to see me anymore!" Silence is heard on the other side of the phone, crickets chirping! I promptly fill the void, and ask "Could you please just be honest and tell me what's up?"

Again silence, and finally he says that he wants to talk, but would rather do it in person, "Wouldn't that be better?" To which I reply, “The phone works well and I am not in the mood to wait till we see each other to hear your news!” (which I already know is that I am about to get the we aren't going to work out speech. So I finally get him to spit it out: he doesn't feel an emotional connection to me, and knows that I am looking for more than just a fuck buddy.

So there it is, I am being dumped. How can this be...? I don't get dumped, I do the dumping. I can list a hundred reason why this relationship wasn't working from my side. But he gets the upper-hand and does the dumping first, damn him!

Why I Wanna Be Mediocre

2005-11-17T13:21:00.000-05:00

So I guess I have no talent for scouting models because all of my picks this year on ANTM have been booted off already. I am disappointed with myself!

Wait, hold up! Let's talk about the real problem here. And it's not me! The judges on ANTM have lost their collective mind this year.

Last night Lisa (the misunderstood eccentric) was booted off the show. The mere fact that she was in the bottom two was a shocker. She has been doing so well through out the whole process. Ok, I’ll admit she is a bit of a train wreck – but bottom line she took great pictures.

The part that takes the cake is what the judges said to her. To paraphrase: Should we go with the girl who gives us great photos (Lisa) but is obnoxiously eager to win this competition or the girl who gives us mediocre photos (Jayla) and is kind of blah about this whole process? And believe it or not mediocre won. Proving that good gals never win.

I am going to apply this newfound knowledge to my own life. I've wondered why I have not been able to land a good job...It is because I am smart, skilled and talented. From now on, I am going to strive to be more mediocre.

That's What Friends Are For

2005-11-10T20:45:00.000-05:00

I hesitate to post this, as the only people who read my blog are my friends. That said, I am so over my friends right now (you know who you are!).

I love you all, but seriously cut a brother some slack. Where is the love and support? Oh yeah, one more thing, get it together people! Enough said!

London Bound

2005-11-10T20:36:00.000-05:00

No, I am not headed for the UK, but the girls on ANTM are (were) after last night's episode. The show featured a brief appearance from Eva "the diva" Pigford. I love that she has fallen right into place as a spokesperson, motivational speaker and all around nice girl. She was very inspirational to watch. Ok you know me I can’t say all nice things…I must add she looked great in that wig (the long straight hair) compared to that nasty short haircut she tries to rock.

The episode also featured a cameo from the guys of MTV's Jack Ass. Lisa seemed to be the missing cast mate as she fit right in with their crazy antics. I could not stop laughing when she put on a diaper and actually "used it" if you know what I mean. She is such a train wreck; I just can't stop watching her.

By shows end, I thought for sure that Nicole and Jayla were both going home, they both annoy me so. Funny lady Tyra Banks played a joke on them and no one was sent home. Everyone gets to go to London - Why London? Do they even have a fashion week?

This year’s panel is boring me. Special note to Executive Producer Ken Mok: Bring Back Janice!!! Twiggy is so blah. Miss J is just a one-note pony (ok we get it you’re a Tranny!). My FH (future husband), Nigel, however can do no wrong (well except for the liking girls part).
I seriously can't pick a winner yet. I'll be shocked if Kim wins. But you never know what can happen on ANTM. This feels like the season that will never end.

New Subject, Addendum

2005-11-04T18:40:00.000-05:00

Ok, so moments after I posted the previous rant, the man calls and leaves a message. So I guess I am on his mind.

And going against what I said I wouldn’t do, I made mention of my issue (in true passive aggressive form). I asked, "Are you embarrassed by me?" To which he responded "No, why do you ask?" and I said, "Why haven't I met your friends yet?" To which he responded with a list of excuses about being busy this week with work, closing on a house, the theater, yada, yada, yada. And then he asked if I wanted to join them Saturday night for dinner.

I really should have just kept my mouth shut, cause it was like I had to ask to be included. Exactly what I didn't want to do. Is this how the whole relationship will go down?

To quote the musical Kiss Me Kate, "I Hate Men!"

New Subject

2005-11-04T17:45:00.000-05:00

It is sad to say that if you stumbled blindly on to this blog you would think that the only thing going on in my life is ANTM. So I will take a short breather from the UPN wonder-kid and attempt to blog about something else. I Really do have other stuff going on in my life.

For example:
In the words of the Pussycat Dolls, "I don't need a man".

I was dating this guy for the past few weeks (nothing to serious, just the beginning stages). We had real dates as well as sleepovers (only at his place though -- he's a size queens! He will only sleep in a King Size bed). Beginning last weekend, he has houseguests. And while he has a large apartment, it is only one bedroom and the guests will be using his bed while he takes the sofa. So sleepovers were out of the question for the next few weeks. But silly me, I figured that I would at least be invited out to dine or for drinks with these friends. But no, apparently he is embarrassed by me because I've not been included in any of the week’s activities -- oh and I haven't heard from him since Monday either (we exchanged phone calls every night up to this point).

So I'm thinkin', time to move on. Right? I mean, if he is this inconsiderate of my feelings now -- why hang around? Some people have argued, shouldn't you make him aware of your feelings? (you know communicate with him!). My answer is this: Yes communication is key, but common courtesy trumps out on this one. I should not have to point this stuff out!

So there you have it. A non-ANTM related post. Ok So ANTM is actually mentioned 3 times in this post...but give me some credit, it's not about the show.

And yes Virginia (AKA Ethel Waters, AKA Crystal Waters) I will try to post more often.

The Claw-Cam

2005-11-03T02:10:00.000-05:00

Well thanks to Cassandra (our favorite beauty queen) tonight's episode of ANTM was -- what they call in the Biz -- a clip show. In episode two, Cassie went back to Texas in search of hair extensions, leaving a big hole in the season for producers to fill.

Fortunately for us, there were hours of out-takes and extra footages to sift through and put together in a special re-cap show.

Lessons learned from this episode:
1) Bringing the outdoors, indoors (girls its just a bird...get over it)
2) Janice D. rules. They could do an entire series just about her.
3) Jayla, mis-understood humorist or just plain crazy?
4) The girls love the confessional room, it should be renamed the "claw-cam". Seriousl girls, don't hold back, tell us how you really feel (sarcasm intended).
5) Top Models learn everything they know from Drag Queens.
6) TV Manipulation 101. So was I the only one to notice that the week that Coryn get booted, that Lisa (her arch enemy) was part of the group hug to wish her well. And then tonight we find out that Coryn had actually apologized for calling her an Alcoholic Bitch -- something left out of that episode. Does this mean that Omrosa is really not a bitch, too?

Special reminder Top Model week is next week...I can't wait to see how bad (or maybe good) the girls can act.

Pouring Salt Into An Open Wound

2005-11-02T14:27:00.000-05:00

I don't know why I do these things to myself. Perhaps it's because I am a sadist?

I forced myself to relive the horror of last week's episode of ANTM, when I caught the replay last night. I was devastated, again, that my favorite "Dairy Queen" darling was booted off. And the question of the day is still: Why? Why? Why?

As I said in last weeks post, I just don't get it. I had hoped that this week I would be able to better understand t he madness. But no, I am still fuzzy on why Kyle got the hook.

In a conversation with my girl Miz Mamie today we discussed "Who will it be tonight?" The judges have been uber unpredictable. And I feel that my Model-dar is out of sync. So I can only make a stab that if Bre didn't bring in her "A game" this week, she will be let go tonight. We shall see.

Say It Ain't So!

2005-10-27T15:28:00.000-04:00

I am still in disbelief this morning, as the unimaginable happened last night on Top Model. My front runner pick Kyle was dismissed. In fact, my two original ponies (Kyle and Bre) were the bottom two girls last night. I am seriously off my game.

I can only hope that Kyle will read this -- Kyle you're beautiful and Tyra was just jealous. You will survive, who needs ANTM! Remember last season: Britta, the first girl to get booted off, landed a contract with Ford Models in LA -- what did runner up Kahlen get? Nada!

Seriously, what were they thinking. Kyle was very striking, had won two challenges, and is so much better than some of the girls who are left (um you know who you are: Nik, Jayla and Bre).

While Nicole does take nice pictures, she is so blah in person - not top model material. She just doesn't do it for me. But, I think she might be the winner.

Kim is an enigma to me. I give her props for being the token lesbian, for pulling off this weeks "girlie" photo shoot, having a pretty face and she has been improving week to week. But there is just something about her that rubs me the wrong way.

I am so distraught that I might stage a boycott and not watch the rest of the season. Note to UPN: Bring back Kyle as a wild card!!!

I also must give props to Kristin Bell and the cast of Veronica Mars. The show rocks! I missed the tail end of last season, something else was on the same night. But I am back on the wagon and enjoying the ride.

Also, a special note...I am eagerly anticipating Top Model week on UPN. Past contestants/personalities will make appearance on other UPN sitcoms. I am especially looking forward to seeing my girl Brittany on Love Inc. and Miss J on Cuts. I don't usually watch either show, and seriously doubt that I'll become a new devotees (the intent of the UPN executives with this cross promotion.)

Diamonds Are Forever, But Boyfriends Aren't

2005-10-25T20:21:00.000-04:00

So it occurs to me that my choice in men has been less than stellar. This is really not breaking news; it’s more of a segment for Dateline or 60 minutes.

Most recently I've been trying to figure out what to do about this odd "relationship" (the jury is out on whether I can really use that word) that I have in my life.

Like the age-old question, "If a tree falls in the woods, and no one is around, does it make a sound?" That how I felt about the relationship...If he already has a boyfriend, can we really have a relationship?

The answer to my question is not as simple as you might think. A) No, if someone is already taken, I can't have the quality of relationship that I want, deserve and need. B) Yes, it was some form of a relationship. We had dates, phone conversations, "good times", and sleepovers.

What do you think?

Dear Neighbors:

2005-10-14T14:24:00.000-04:00

I just wanted to apologize for the music that bellowed out of my apartment last night between the hours of 9pm and midnight. As many of you have figured out by now -- I really love music. Whether I am lounging around the house, walking down the street or doin' the nasty, music helps to underscore each moment creating the eclectic soundtrack of my life. Last night was a sing-a-long. Singing is very cathartic for me and I needed a release last night. It's been a rough couple of months (almost two years actually) For those of you interested last nights song list: I began the set with selections from the Pussycat Doll's new album, I especially like tracks 3, 4, 5, 7. I then switched to Natasha Bedingfield, tracks 3, 4 and 12. Next on tap was Hope Partlow, tracks 3 and 5. (It occurs to me I tend to like the 3rd song on every album.)

Next I switched gears and went back to my musical theater roots, a few songs from A Hard Time To Be Single and Taboo. I closed out last night’s set with a live concert performance of Rent. (I played the parts.) If I could get cast in the show, I would love to play Tom Collins (originated by Jesse L. Martin). My favorite song to belt out is I'll Cover You (reprise).

Again sorry for the noise, sometimes you just got to "Sing Out Louise." But seeing as though every Friday and Saturday night sounds like a live tapping of Super Sabado Gigante from upstairs - I guess I don't really need to apologize do I?

Best Wishes,Pablo Perez

And The Award Goes To...

2005-10-13T14:20:00.000-04:00

I like to think that I star in this really great production called Life. It is a typical story about a man seeking his destiny in a big city. The story has been told before, but my performance is what has made it a "Must See” and “One To Watch”. It is one part drama and one part comedy. It is presented in multi-media format, in high definition with technicolor and surround sound.

For as long as I can remember I have been "acting". I pretend that I care about work, relationships, sex, people, etc... My performance has always been award worthy. But lately, I have gone from an Oscar nomination to a Golden Globe nomination to a Daytime Emmy nomination...and now I fear that I am possibly heading toward a nomination for the worst award of all a Razzie.

Being nominated is nice, but as good of an actor that I’ve been -- I've never won (in life). I am no better of than Susan Lucci (whose luck finally changed in 1999) .

But now I am at a point where I just can't fake it anymore.

News Flash: I’ve never really fucking cared! I've had everyone so fooled all this time, but now I feel that the real me is shinning though loud and clear.

I am left at a point where I must ask myself what to do. Do I take a few refresher classes to get my chops back up to where they once were or do I simply embrace the change and live life with out the front.

Fortunately, Reality TV is big -- everybody loves to watch a train wreck (myself included). Well look over here world -- I am in my own Amazing Race and hope to be a Survivor. I’ve attempted to be an Apprentice to my Big Brother, when really all I want is to be Starting Over, perhaps cause I never had A Super Sweet Sixteen. I think I've been Punk'd cause no one ever came to Pimp My Ride (I really do miss my car Bessie – may she rest peacefully in car Heaven). My life needs an Extreme Make Over (life addition). Would life have been different if I was the American Idol or America's Next Top Model?

I Can't Stand The Rain Against My Window

2005-10-12T15:20:00.000-04:00

Today is a rainy day. It is a short while after noon and I am still wet from my commute in this morning. Ugh!!!!

This is My Signature Walk

2005-10-06T18:57:00.000-04:00

As you know last night was ANTM night. And by now you know that I was home glued to the TV set watch my girls fall on the runway and strike a few new poses!

Last night's episode taught some interesting lessons:
1) Don't let people try and change who you are...Cassandra girl, you keep your pageant hair and good luck with become the next Miss USA!
2) Lesbians are sluts too. Gay men get a bad rap for being promiscuous, but it turns out that the token lesbian on the show, Kim, is a tramp...she loves herself a straight, blond-haired girl.
3) You need to have a Signature Walk. What's yours? - I think mine is kind of butch, with a hint a Giselle for added spice!

Speaking of wanna be models, The Urge Bar in the East Village of NYC is hosting a party for this new photographer next Tuesday night from 6:30 - 9:30 pm. The Urge Series, by Sean Watter's, is a collection of images that capture the sexy go-go boys who work the top of the bar. Go check out his work.

"She's Going For Beyonce, But Looks Like RuPaul"

2005-09-29T19:58:00.000-04:00

I love me some ANTM (America's Next Top Model, for those of you not in the know). Last nights show was the fun filled "Make-over episode."

My favorite highlights from the show:
1) What Ms. J says about Coryn's photo, "She's Going For Beyonce, but looks like RuPaul.”
2) An appearance by James St. James, does anyone in America know who is besides me? (If not check out the scary documentary "Party Monster".
3) Cassandra crying about her long pageant hair being chopped off!
4) Good Bye to Ebony, seriously the girl was not cute. Remember Ms. J says, "Hair in the face is for ugly girls!"

It appears that Ms. J has replaced Janice Dickinson as the new snarky judge. Good thing, cause Ms. Twiggy isn’t cutting it.

If you missed last night’s show, check it out when it repeats next Tuesday night on UPN.