Forbes: The Celebrity 100

So the Forbes list of the top 100 highest grossing celebrities is out and once again I didn’t make the cut. I am sure I fall just short of 100, and maybe next year I’ll make the cut (keep your fingers crossed).

Coming in at #1 is Tom Cruise -the man we all love to hate (or at least I do)! I would like to start a Tom Boycott, he has enough money. Please stop buying his crap!

Coming in at #84 is my girl Tyra Banks. I guess all my talking about ANTM has helped boost her bank account, so what about me? Where is my cut? Tyra is the check in the mail?

Just when I thought I couldn’t get anymore depressed about my financial situation, I then read the “Dead, Buried And Still Rolling In It” list. Elvis tops this list; he brought in $52 million dollars last year. And Curt Cobain came in 2nd with $50 million dollars. So this tells me that even dead people are making more than me…no fair. I need to write a brilliant song like “Smells Like Teen Spirit”, die and then have my crazy widow license it for some silly commercial.

Winning my “Why do People Have to Spell Their Names so Funky Award” is Ronaldinoh, the soccer legend. Ok, I know he is Brazilian, but still! He ranks in at # 53 with $26 Million.

Can you believe that only one homosexual made the list, Nathan Lane, and he is teamed up with Mathew Broderick (wonder how SJP feels about that?). “The Acting duo”comes in at # 92 with a total of $9 Million.

So as I aim for inclusion on next year’s list, I ask myself one important question, “How?” Perhaps, I’ll find some rich guy to marry (or demostic partner with) and our combined incomes will put us on the list.