“Really?”
That title of this post is a TXT I received at 7:22PM tonight from the Man I wrote about on June 19th in a post entitle Patterns.
What the hell is that supposed to mean? So ok, I didn’t TXT or call him at all today, which is abnormal. We are in contact with each other everyday, multiple times. And further more, not that I didn’t want to.
In fact, it took all the energy I had not to send him a funny TXT or call him after my workout to see if he wanted to grab coffee. (Sidebar: The coffee place we had our afternoon rendezvous at closed this week! Is this a sign from the universe for me to end this quasi relationship??)
I consciously decided today that I need to end my destructive pattern. And this TXT only proves how important it is for me to do so. What the fuck? You can’t have your cake and eat it too? Or can you? See when dumb asses like me continue on letting people have the best of both worlds, they just get used to getting what they want.
This is not to say that I didn’t immediately pick up the phone and call him right after receiving this text. At first I was going to explain why I didn’t call or TXT today. But then what would be the point to that? Closure? And not that it would change the reality of the situation.
But “Really?”, to quote him, what do I owe him? I am the one getting hurt here. A few things should be non-negotiable, but for some reason I don’t apparently think I deserve a boyfriend of my own. I must prefer to be the “other”. Truth is I don’t. I want a nice normal (what is that exactly?!?) relationship of my own. It is funny if you think about it from his point of view: he obviously likes the attention I give him, and the minute that was gone he craved it. And like a dumb ass I gave him the satisfaction of a call.
But moving forward I am cutting him off, at least when it comes to sexual relations. As much as I enjoy the sex, it’s probably some of the best I’ve ever had; I just can’t do it anymore. I’d like to stay friends, because I do appreciate having him in my life (aside from the sex). But can we be friends without benefits? Only time will tell. Speaking of telling, do I tell him this? Or do I just let him figure it out on his own?
And speaking of TXT’s, still nothing back from the Latino Lover. Funny story – of course there always is – I was eating dinner in Midtown last night with my friend (Hey Shamesheckla), and who guess who gets seated at the table behind me? You guessed it. What are the chances? Of course he came right over to say “Hello” – awkward! – but that was about it. I had to bite my tongue as usual.
To quote a noted gossip columnist, “Only in New York, kids, only in New York!”
What the hell is that supposed to mean? So ok, I didn’t TXT or call him at all today, which is abnormal. We are in contact with each other everyday, multiple times. And further more, not that I didn’t want to.
In fact, it took all the energy I had not to send him a funny TXT or call him after my workout to see if he wanted to grab coffee. (Sidebar: The coffee place we had our afternoon rendezvous at closed this week! Is this a sign from the universe for me to end this quasi relationship??)
I consciously decided today that I need to end my destructive pattern. And this TXT only proves how important it is for me to do so. What the fuck? You can’t have your cake and eat it too? Or can you? See when dumb asses like me continue on letting people have the best of both worlds, they just get used to getting what they want.
This is not to say that I didn’t immediately pick up the phone and call him right after receiving this text. At first I was going to explain why I didn’t call or TXT today. But then what would be the point to that? Closure? And not that it would change the reality of the situation.
But “Really?”, to quote him, what do I owe him? I am the one getting hurt here. A few things should be non-negotiable, but for some reason I don’t apparently think I deserve a boyfriend of my own. I must prefer to be the “other”. Truth is I don’t. I want a nice normal (what is that exactly?!?) relationship of my own. It is funny if you think about it from his point of view: he obviously likes the attention I give him, and the minute that was gone he craved it. And like a dumb ass I gave him the satisfaction of a call.
But moving forward I am cutting him off, at least when it comes to sexual relations. As much as I enjoy the sex, it’s probably some of the best I’ve ever had; I just can’t do it anymore. I’d like to stay friends, because I do appreciate having him in my life (aside from the sex). But can we be friends without benefits? Only time will tell. Speaking of telling, do I tell him this? Or do I just let him figure it out on his own?
And speaking of TXT’s, still nothing back from the Latino Lover. Funny story – of course there always is – I was eating dinner in Midtown last night with my friend (Hey Shamesheckla), and who guess who gets seated at the table behind me? You guessed it. What are the chances? Of course he came right over to say “Hello” – awkward! – but that was about it. I had to bite my tongue as usual.
To quote a noted gossip columnist, “Only in New York, kids, only in New York!”
posted by Pablo Perez at 8:11 PM
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