Marriage and Children…A Sensitive Subject
Don’t worry I am not going all “Breeder” on you in this post. This is just a little anecdote about how I’ve managed to piss off a bunch of people this month. It seems that I’ve been very insensitive to my married friends and to my gay (but I have children) friends.
At the end of July, I had a major blow out with a person I considered one of my best friends. He was married for a few years, and has a young son. Unfortunately, his son lives in another state so he only gets to see him every once in a while. He does however speak to his son everyday, and is very much a part of his life. For the past few summers the child comes to visit for for a month, and this year was no different. Leading up to the month of June, I would often lament to our group of friends that I needed to find a new best friends/partner in crime for that month. This was a fact, and not meant to be presented as anything more than that. Those who know me well know that I always try to find the humor in everything – in my I head, I think I am Kathy Griffin.
Turns out, he thought I was being insensitive and that I was being unkind to the fruit of his loins. Frankly I don’t like children, don’t want any, nor do I enjoy hanging out with other people’s kids, or hearing about them. But in this case I made it clear that I would hang out with him and his son – because I am a decent person and he was after all my close friend!
But as usual, I am blamed for things beyond my control (I.E. Other people’s issues). I know it’s hard to deal with coming out, having kids and dealing with all that life has to offer. Trust me I get it, but you shouldn’t push away people who have genuinely been on your side, despite their own personal feelings toward certain subjects. Agree to disagree! That works for me.
So the next funny story deals with a married girl friend. For as long as we have been friends, we always addressed each other by our initials – in both conversation as well as on IM and in e-mails. She has been married for about a year now, and just yesterday she called me on the fact that I addressed her as SJ instead of SJP (initials have been changed to protect the innocent). I told her that I consciously stuck with SJ, cause that what we’ve always done – and that I am Taurus and don’t like change much. Her response was that I “need to recognize and respect when others change.” Is she joking? Seriously why are we having this conversation? And I thought she was all women’s lib about it anyhow!
I respect that she is married, I will be kind to her husband (if I ever have spend time with him), and it’s not like me not using the P means I disapprove of their marriage. I don’t understand why people get so bent out of shape about this crap…again her lashing out is about stuff that is not my issues. I didn’t mean to disrespect her vows of holy matrimony – those are between her, her husband, the government of the United States and maybe god. Not me! And in the relationship that we share, that is who she was to me…weather she is SJ or SJP she is till the same person, are labels that important?
In both cases, I never meant to disrespect anyone. But I think as I get older, I am learning who my real friends are, and how much of their insecurities I can really take. Tell me off when I do something that really offends you (like calling your husband an ass or asking if we can kill off your kid) – but this stuff is really small potatoes. What do you think?
At the end of July, I had a major blow out with a person I considered one of my best friends. He was married for a few years, and has a young son. Unfortunately, his son lives in another state so he only gets to see him every once in a while. He does however speak to his son everyday, and is very much a part of his life. For the past few summers the child comes to visit for for a month, and this year was no different. Leading up to the month of June, I would often lament to our group of friends that I needed to find a new best friends/partner in crime for that month. This was a fact, and not meant to be presented as anything more than that. Those who know me well know that I always try to find the humor in everything – in my I head, I think I am Kathy Griffin.
Turns out, he thought I was being insensitive and that I was being unkind to the fruit of his loins. Frankly I don’t like children, don’t want any, nor do I enjoy hanging out with other people’s kids, or hearing about them. But in this case I made it clear that I would hang out with him and his son – because I am a decent person and he was after all my close friend!
But as usual, I am blamed for things beyond my control (I.E. Other people’s issues). I know it’s hard to deal with coming out, having kids and dealing with all that life has to offer. Trust me I get it, but you shouldn’t push away people who have genuinely been on your side, despite their own personal feelings toward certain subjects. Agree to disagree! That works for me.
So the next funny story deals with a married girl friend. For as long as we have been friends, we always addressed each other by our initials – in both conversation as well as on IM and in e-mails. She has been married for about a year now, and just yesterday she called me on the fact that I addressed her as SJ instead of SJP (initials have been changed to protect the innocent). I told her that I consciously stuck with SJ, cause that what we’ve always done – and that I am Taurus and don’t like change much. Her response was that I “need to recognize and respect when others change.” Is she joking? Seriously why are we having this conversation? And I thought she was all women’s lib about it anyhow!
I respect that she is married, I will be kind to her husband (if I ever have spend time with him), and it’s not like me not using the P means I disapprove of their marriage. I don’t understand why people get so bent out of shape about this crap…again her lashing out is about stuff that is not my issues. I didn’t mean to disrespect her vows of holy matrimony – those are between her, her husband, the government of the United States and maybe god. Not me! And in the relationship that we share, that is who she was to me…weather she is SJ or SJP she is till the same person, are labels that important?
In both cases, I never meant to disrespect anyone. But I think as I get older, I am learning who my real friends are, and how much of their insecurities I can really take. Tell me off when I do something that really offends you (like calling your husband an ass or asking if we can kill off your kid) – but this stuff is really small potatoes. What do you think?
posted by Pablo Perez at 1:46 PM
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