Take Your Kids To Work Day

What used to be a day targeted at helping to get young women interested in careers traditionally held by men, this “national holiday” has now morphed into a less discriminating and more inclusive day for all ankle biters (male and female alike).

In honor of this special day, I've decided to rename it:
National Take Your Kids To Work and Annoy Your Coworkers Who Don’t Like Children and Thought That The Office Was The One Place They’d Never Have To Deal With Kids (Pause) Day

Tomorrow, 62 children will be at my office and spend a fun filled day learning about the “magic” that happens here. Not! More like, they’ll get fed and entertained by our resident balloon animal maker.

So Why am I so opposed to this day?

Fact: I don’t like children. Ok, hate is more like it. And just like cats – who must know that I am allergic to them and therefore crawl all over me – kids love me. Anytime I’ve dated someone with nieces and nephews, the kids usually fight over who gets to sit next to me at the dinner table or in the car. Ugh!

It makes one wonder, what lessons will these kids actually learn while inside the hollowed halls of this wonderful institution?

Perhaps they’ll get to see Mommy and Daddy slack off. Or meet that annoying co-worker or boss they bad mouth at home. “Billy, this is where daddy makes his coffee every morning and afternoon…see a Starbucks machine right inside the office, cool, right?!”

I wonder if this visit will really influence any children to consider doing this for a living. Or if it will even make them want to grow up and work period!

The day was still focused on girls when I was off age, but had I ever gone with my mom or dad to work I probably would have known right away that working is not for me!

Annoying Co-Workers

So we all have one (if not more), that person in the office who you just can’t stand to be around, that you avoid getting caught in the kitchen with and that you have blocked on your AIM. The Annoying Co-Worker (ACW).

I am currently dealing with my own ACW. I’ve never felt so trapped in my own office. She is the neediest person I have ever met. And she has no idea how annoying she is.

First of all, she grates on my nerves. Her mere existence is a thorn in my side. One of her many flaws is that she does not know how to end a conversation. If she comes by your desk, she will chat on about nothing for hours on end and totally disregard the fact that we are at work, and that I might actually have things to do. Fortunately, I have mastered a technique that ends the conversation; I head to the bathroom – my sanctuary away from this pest. Thank goodness we don’t have co-ed bathrooms like on Alley McBeal. However, she is oblivious to her own level annoyance and has yet to figure out that I end every conversation with a trip to the bathroom. Clue phone, ringing off the hook!!! Please pick up!

I feel bad for my female co-workers who can’t avoid her with the “I have to pee” excuse. A female co-worker tried my surefire technique and she was followed in the bathroom and back out…extending the conversation even longer. Oh and did I mention she is loud when she comes over to talk, and then babbles on about a relationship that we all think is made up and about sports which you all know I don’t give a fuck about.

Here is where I am at fault. In fact we all are at fault because no one wants to attack the problem first hand. We are held captive and live in fear of just confronting her. I mean how hard would it be to just say, “Yes, I blocked you from IM because you are annoying and I don’t want to talk to you!” or “Woman, when I stop paying attention to you that means the conversation is over!”

Now I know there are the bleeding hearts out there who think that I am cruel and that perhaps I am a mean co-worker. I mean after all she is just trying to fit in, make new friends – too bad I don’t want to be her friend.

My rule to my co-workers and friends is that if I am annoying please just tell me. I wish I could just tell her how I feel. Perhaps she will stumble upon this Blog and think to herself, oh my god this is me! But no, she would be more apt to say, “Oh my god, I know I have this annoying co-worker, too.”

Will the light bulb ever go on for her?

Mission Impossible?

I need to make a change in my life. It occurs to me that I don’t have any friends. Ok, I do have friends. In fact I have some very good ones. But I don’t have many friends with common interests that are readily available for fun!

Here is where the problems begin. It seems to me that gay men have only one motive – to get laid. I am guilty of this as well. Many of the men that I meet and talk to in bars are guys that I am attracted too. I am always on the hunt for a man to marry – ok I’d settle for a nice date right about now.

When I am out I don’t make any new friends – and then I go and screw things up by sleeping with guys that I really should just be friends with. Sex is great, but friendships would be so much better.

I am not solely to blame either. As I mentioned, most men work with the same motive. So I meet people that I think will become good friends, but find out they only talk to me because they want to hook up. So then it becomes all awkward, ugh.

So what’s my mission for the rest of the year? Meet new people, make new friends and just enjoy myself.

Down with Office Depot

This is just a quick call to action for all my loyal readers. Please Boycott Office Depot. I had a very bad experience with them last night and told the customer service rep that because of lousy service, I would tell all my friends not to shop at there. So don’t!

Here is what went down:

On 2/23/2006 I purchased a laptop. I bought this particular computer because it had all the bells and whistles and had a huge rebate offer that brought the price down well below anything else I looked at.

I didn’t get a chance to take it out of the box until 2 days later (I was really busy!). After using it only twice, I noticed some defects on the screen.

On 3/2/2006 I brought it back to the store and asked to exchange it for a new computer. The manager took the computer out of the box, turned it on and saw the spots on the screen. I was given a replacement – but in the process they had to scan the new one into the computer and give me a second receipt. The refund offer expired on 2/25/2006 so I was worried that receipt with the new date would screw things up, so I begged that they give me the original (I am such a pessimist). Everyone at the store said that it wouldn’t be an issue, but they gave me the receipt anyway.

So I attached both receipts along with the rebate information and the proof or purchase. I thought that they would be able to figure it out.

Flash forward to last night, six weeks later. I came home to find a post card in my mail box from the rebate center. The message said that my “submission” was “invalid” because “Your purchase is outside the qualifying dates of this offer.”

I immediately called the phone number on the card and explained the situation. Of course the female customer service rep who answered my call was unapologetic and told me I needed to mail them everything over again. She barely gave me a chance to rebuttal before she rushed me off the phone.

That didn’t sit right with me. There must be an e-mail or fax number where I could send the copies of the receipts and take care of this instantly. I mean after all they are Office Depot, they sell these wonderful technological advancements.

So I call back and get Patrick on the line. I explain the situation to him. He informs me that the original paper work was scanned by a computer, and perhaps it disregarded the first receipt. So I ask if he could possibly go back and check the paper work that I sent in. He tells me that he doesn’t have “access” to the original paper work. I then asked about a fax or an e-mail. Again, no dice they aren’t able to do that either. Hello!!! Office Depot sells this shit!!! What are you talking about? No fax machine??

So I ask to speak with his supervisor. Assuming that if I get someone higher up that I will get somewhere with this whole process. Patrick informs me that it will be about 10 minutes before I can talk his supervisor. I assure him, that I am not trying to get him in trouble I just want someone with more power to handle this problem.

Ten minutes go by and I am still on hold. At the 15 minute mark, I think to myself, they are hoping that will give up and hang up…but that’s not happening, I am on a mission.

Twenty-five minutes later Kimberly answers the phone. I explain the whole situation to her – for the third time! She tells me the same things the first two people have told me. Again I express my disbelief about the lack of a fax machine. I ask her about my original paper work, to which she responds, “You sent the paper work to Detroit, Michigan and I am in Mesa, Arizona.” Great!

Thoroughly disgusted, I ask for an address to which I can send an angry letter. This information is readily available (surprise, not!) I tell Kimberly that she needs to speak up to her superiors about this situation. I mean wouldn’t it make her job so much easier if she didn’t have to deal with irate customers.

In my final burst of anger I tell her that I plan to relay this story to all my friends in an attempt to start a Boycott of Office Depot (Hence this post). She wasn’t amused, but informed me that she didn’t work for Office Depot, she works for a company that OD has outsourced this work too.

I was also informed that it will take another 4-6 weeks for the rebate to be processed. Will I ever see my money back?

The “Third World” City I Call Home

Recently I have been reevaluating my life in NYC. It has not been exactly what I would have expected for myself – cut to footage of my Mom driving away in the car, crying. This is not to say that I haven’t found financial stability, cause despite how much I loath my job, I do get paid well above the average compensation. I would not call it financial success, but that is because to live a normal life in NYC you have to make a minimum of 6 figures a year.

One thing that puts things into perspective is the way we heat and cool our homes here in the big apple. I, like most New Yorkers, have radiators in my apartment. Many old buildings (which would about 80% of the housing in NYC) have them. When I first moved here, I didn’t really get the concept. My house had forced air heating and central air conditioning.

So it was cultural shock when I realized that I had to live with these large metal objects in every room of my apartment. They are not only ugly but very dangerous as they get really hot. There is not a thermostat, either. So there are only two settings…Cold or Really, Really Hot!

What is even more unbelievable is that people will actually purchase apartments for ½ Million dollars or more – with radiators.

I live in the most expensive Third World Country. I could be the new poster child one of Sally Struthers causes…except that for in NYC for the price of coffee ($0.25 according to her) you can’t even buy a cup of coffee – let alone feed anyone in this village.

The River Stix

So I met a guy this weekend. He was nice, attractive, single, seemed stable and to my knowledge isn’t a drug addicted crack whore.

“So what is the problem?”

He lives in New Jersey. And not the nice close parts like Jersey City or Hoboken, but Perth Amboy.

I am not one for long distance relationships. And this really shouldn’t count as one – except that it would cost like $10-12 round trip on NJ Transit to visit him and his phone number would cost long distance.

Can a relationship survive the great distance? I mean we are separated by two rivers!

Site Counter

You may have noticed that on the left side of the screen lives a newly added site counter. It started as of today, and at Zero -- although, I've been posting for about nine months.

I hope to see the number reach McDondald's like statics: "Trillions and Trillions Served"

ANTM Cycle 6

Dear Tyra Banks & The Judges of America’s Next Top Model (ANTM):

I have been a loyal viewer of ANTM since Cycle One. While I have no ties to the modeling industry, I am however an average consumer with an opinion on my likes and dislikes.

I just wanted to let you know that you made the wrong decision by letting Molly Sue go last night. She had yet to be in the bottom two and then you sent her packing. Why?

Last season you let my girl Kyle go, and now this. I have lost faith in your ability to find America’s Next Top Model.

One more thing, please bring back Janice! Not just for some quick cameo, but as one of the judges. She may be crazy, but she knows her shit!

Sincerely,
Pablo Perez, Disappointed Viewer

Dying To Be Thin

I am so over the world’s fascination with the Celebutants and wafer thin actresses/models. I say bring back the girl next door. Cause if your neighbors look like Paris, Lindsay, Nicole or Hilary – you probably live next door to a crack house.

"I went into the kitchen to grab a snack, when I came back to the living room there were lesbians having sex!"

-Pablo Perez on watching Queer as Folk during the free preview of Showtime

Scary Movies

Why do we have such absurd fears? This weekend, I watched the 2004 box office smash – Saw. It is a physiological thriller, with a touch of gore. Think Brad Pitt in Seven or The Silence of the Lambs

I am not an irrational person; I know the difference between reality and the world of make believe. But when a movie (or TV program) is so well written and acted, I can get caught up in it all. In fact, I was on the edge of my seat throughout most of this movie and my heart was racing like the Indy 500.

After the movie, I was scared shitless thinking about how the scenario in the movie could actually happen to someone. There are some sick motherfuckers out there. I turned on all the lights, triple checked the locks on the doors and windows, looked in the closets and phoned a friend to talk me down.