Update

Still no TXT back! WTF??

Check out the comments from AlterEgo to my post below.

Who are you? And why weren't you here last night to tell me these things before I sent the TXT. Atleast I'll know for next time -- And there will always be a next time. Sigh.

TXTing Sucks

So at 11:15PM tonight I received the following text message from the boy from last night:

"I apologize for my crazy behavior last night"

What the hell does that mean? He is sorry for telling me he liked me, dragging me back to his apartment, making out with me in the bar, on the street, in the elevator, on the couch and in his bed? Was that the crazy behavior he is sorry for? Or was it for being a silly drunk, ordering chicken wings at 10:30PM and being all sappy with his roommate?

I replied at 11:25PM with the following:

"No prob. Just curious, did you mean anything you said? Or was that the alcohol talking?"

Its now 11:54PM and I haven't heard back yet.

Problem is TXTing sucks and isn't clear. Was I clear with what I wrote? He certainly wasn't clear with what he wrote. What is clear is that what we each wrote made sense to the writer.

Could ESL (English As A Second Language) be the. issue??

And why hasn't he written back, and why am I being such a girl about this? Ugh. Perhaps he is asleep already, and I'll find get a text in the AM?!?

Fuck Gay Pride

I just went to a gay pride party at a roof top on a hotel. Apparently over 1000 people RSVP'd for this event, but the roof can't hold that many people. A good event planner can judge the ratio off RSVP's to actual attendees. But if you are having an outdoor party, that can only hold a certain amount of people, and you know its gonna be nice out, then you should expect a capacity turn out. And either cut the RSVP's off at a much lower number or make sure the venue has space to hold the amount of people who RSVP.

Working as a publicist for 12 years, if someone RSVP's for something then they should be allowed at an event. If you didn't RSVP then you don't get in. Granted a good event planner will also allow for a good number of non-RSVP's depending on what the event is.

I can't believe I just stood in a line for 20mins, and not be allowed into "the party". For something I was probably one of the first people to RSVP to.

So what do I say to gay pride "Fuck it!!" Gays suck and can't even throw a party where people aren't excluded. What does that say about people who are excluded every day of their lives?? Gay Pride?? I don't have any.

The Walk of Shame (or Why I'll Never Date A Latino Boy)

Let me begin by acknowledging the fact that I am writing this post while on the subway, on my home from last night. Kind of cool that I can post from my BlackBerry, but equally sad that I am doing the walk of shame at 8:30AM.

So last night I met up with a friend for drinks -- I still can't have alcohol, fingers crossed the doctor says I can have solid food starting today (and a Martini!).

This "friend" is a really hot latino boy from Peru. I've thought this guy was hot for a few years, but he never seemed to notice me. So I wrote him off as a jerk. Flash forward to earlier this year when he shows up at my favorite watering hole, the Eagle NYC. My friend who runs the leather shop in the Eagle was kinda interested in him, and I even told him that I thought this guy was a jerk. Really hot, but a jerk.

We were introduced and actually hit it off (could I have been wrong about him?). Meanwhile I knew that my friend was interested in him, so I was hands off. Cause I wouldn't do that to one of my friends (or would I?).

The Peruvian and I started hanging out, outside of the Eagle. And then last night happened. I met him at a bar in Midtown, he was with a really drunk (annoying) friend. They had spent the weekend out on Fire Island. Which means drinking for 4 days straight, starting at 10am each day. My kidneys hurt just thinking about it.

After his friend left (thank God), I decided to buy the Peruvian another cocktail (I had a water). He was very hands on in the 45mins that we were together up to that point. Adding this next cocktail tipped the scale. He decided to profess that he liked me. And that he hadn't acted on it cause he didn't want to upset our mutual friend (even thought nothing ever happened between them). Too which I countered with how I felt about him. Now I knew in the back of my mind that he was drunk, but still had hopes that it was what finally gave him the courage to tell me the truth.

He had promised his roommate that he would come home and hang out and watch a movie. So we walked to his place, hand in hand in the rain. Just like a scene from a movie. We even stopedp for a make out session in the middle of the sidewalk. We got on the elevator with someone, thankfully they got off on the 5th floor, and as soon as the doors closed we were back at it! Man he was a good kisser!

So I don't think this was the evening his roommate had planned for, but we had met before so it was fine. The peruvian was a hot mess, and wanted chicken wings, so his roommate ordered him some. Side bar: we watched a funny movie called "Ghost Town".

The movie ended around 11:30pm, and so we retired to his bedroom. I had reservations about staying, in fact I even asked (yes I asked a drunk person) if he was still gonna like me in the morning or was this just the alcohol. He of course said, "Yes." We made out some more, but I knew that was where it was gonna end. We spent the night together spooning, which you know I just love.

And now its the next morning. We woke up at 7:30AM, yes some people have jobs (I think working is overrated, ha!). Unfortunately the passion from the night before seemed to be gone, it was all business as he preped for work. Before I knew it we were out the door and walking cross town. We did kiss goodbye on the street. And he mentioned he would let me know if he was going to the Eagle on Thursday. Ok?!? WTF?!?

So the lesson here!?! Latino boys, they are uber passionate, but can turn it off as quickly as it was turned on! Sigh. Another tale of Pablo in Manhattan.

Patterns

Pat-tern [pat-ern; Brit. pat-n] –noun

A combination of qualities, acts, tendencies, etc., forming a consistent or characteristic arrangement: the behavior patterns of teenagers.

According to the dictionary definition above, I think I have fallen into a bad pattern. Especially when it comes to the men I date. Can I actually use that word if the man in question already has a boyfriend?

My loyal reader(s) know(s) that relationships and my love life have been a constant source for fodder for this blog. If I were a stand up comedian, writing a screenplay or Carrie Bradshaw, then all the drama would be great. You know what they say, “Write what you know!” But I’m not!

Here’s the scoop! I am currently seeing this guy. It’s not a typical relationship. He has a boyfriend, and they are in an open-relationship. For those readers who don’t know what that means, let me explain. While the couple has been together for over 12 years, and owns 3 properties together; they are allowed to have sex with other people individually or bring “guest stars” into their bedroom. I can hear all the straight readers now, but don’t think that this kind of thing only exists in the gay community. We all saw the episode of “Brothers & Sisters” where Nora’s new love interest announced that he and his wife were in an open relationship.

In the beginning I was just into it for the sex. The guy is very much my type, very sexy, a great lay, sexy salt and pepper hair, tattoos and piercings. And for the first few encounters it was purely about getting off. Very animalistic, man on man sex. But then the texting, phone calls, coffee dates and dinners started to happen. We definitely have grown quite close. And it wasn’t just one sided. I know he was “falling” for me, too. Perhaps he has watched one to many episodes of “Big Love”, but you can’t have a harem of lovers. Well you can, they obviously do in Utah. But you shouldn’t, right?

As you know, I recently had surgery. And the drama that’s been involved there is enough to write a book! Or at least a few blog posts (see below). Anyway, the man in question has been very supportive and concerned with my well being. Which is sweet and nice, and I greatly appreciate it. But at the end of the day, what does it leave me with? Heart ache.

And then it went to a whole new level. We got together the Friday night before my surgery for a little rendezvous at his place. In fact all of our “meetings” have taken place in his bed. The one he sleeps in at night with his lover! But usually after the deed is done I suit back up and head home. Occasionally we’ve spent a few post coital moments together, but this last time that fleeting moment lasted into the night, and I ended up sleeping over. We spooned like two lovers in love. And I am not going to lie – I enjoyed every minute of it.

But in the morning I was forced to make the walk of shame. In fact, he had me wait until the neighbors were out of the hall. His lover is on the co-op board after all. And what would the neighbors think?

And this is where I see the pattern in my life. Why do I continue to devalue myself and allow myself to get sucked into these crappy relationships?

The therapist in me thinks the following:

I am incapable of accepting real love, so I engage in relationships with people who are unavailable and treat me with little or no respect.

This next tidbit might help prove the former? A few weeks back I broke up with a guy that I had been seeing for about 2 1/2 months. He was really into me. He hung on every word that I said, and did that annoying head tilt. You can picture it, right? His eyes all sparkling as hey took in every syllable. And for some reason it just really bothered me. Everyone asked, “Are you sure you really want a boyfriend?” And my honest answer is “Yes.” But I just wasn’t that into him. And I can’t explain why.

So where does this all leave me? Frankly, at home alone on a Friday night, writing this blog posting – that maybe 3 people will read. But seriously, it leaves me feeling kind of sad. But as I pointed out at the top of the post, I am stuck in a very bad pattern. But at least I’ve recognized that I have a pattern. And knowing – as G.I. Joe taught us – is half the battle, right??

My First Mobile Blog

So I just discovered that I can post on my blog via e-mail from my BlackBerry. How cool is that? Perhaps I will update my blog more often now?!?

Side Effects or Hypocondria

I decided to have the "Elective Surgery" in an effort to improve the quality of my life. A simple procedure like a tonsillectomy should not result in a visit to the ER -- Ok, so that one was my fault, I love food and missed it so much that I couldn't stick to the soft food diet! And now tonight I am left wondering if the antibiotics I am on have caused me to get Thrush.

As usual it is the middle of the night, and I must wait until the morning to call my doctor. I already feel like I'm a pain, cause of the 2AM call/emergency surgery on Saturday morning. Why couldn't this annoying little side effect happen on Monday or Tuesday before I had my follow up visit. Ugh...

So now I sit here watching the time move slowly by as I wonder what my fate will be tomorrow. Of course my doctor can't diagnose anything with out seeing me. But I am embarrassed that 4 visits with the doctor in 5 days is a bit much! It will all soon be over!!

I promise myself my posts will be funnier and about my crazy love life again soon...but for now its all about my health!

Post-Op Tranny

I have no clue how Rey even knew that I posted a new blog, but it kinda made me feel special that someone read my pre-op ramblings about my jitters. Thanks Rey!

I am happy to report that I am doing way better than I expected. The surgery went really well. in fact I got in early and was back home by 4:30PM. I was in so little pain (thanks to a percocet and Tylenol 3) that I took my friend out to dinner to thank him for being my chaperon. It was a little painful watching him eat a really yummy looking chicken dish while I could only down a few maduros. But I was happy to be on my feet so quickly after general anesthesia.

Today is day three and the pain has finally set in. I am not gonna lie, my throat is on fire! But as I mentioned in the last post, I know that in the end the pain now will all be worth it.

And so I am left wondering why I caused myself so much angst the night before the surgery. I guess not knowing what the future holds for me is scary, but for some reason I tend to make things even worse than they need be. Why??

Tonsillectomy

I just looked back at my posts, and it seems that every year around this time I get the bug to start blogging again. It’s less about thinking that anyone is actually reading this (thanks Rey for being the only one to read my blog!), but I really dig having this odd time capsule that contains my thoughts and stories from the past 4 years.

In about 12 hours I'll be going under the knife. No, I am not getting a nose job, I like the one I already have. I am getting my tonsils taken out and a 100,000 mile clean up in my sinuses – I had them cleaned back in 2000. I know that this elective pain I am about to put myself through, and the month long recuperation period is 100% worth it. I know that in the long run when I no longer get tonsillitis or sinus infections, I will be a happy boy.

So why can't I sleep? Why am I nervous? Why not, right?

At this time tomorrow, I'll be reduced to eating only "soft" foods for about a week, and have these tampon like plugs up my nose – oh joy!

If I were more progressive, I'd have a facebook page and my status would have some funny quip about my surgery, and if I were even more painfully hip I'd tweet something from the surgery center moments before my surgery. But alas, I am not, and this blog post will have to do. Mostly it will be something for me to read next year when I decide to start blogging again.

On a random note, I am obsessed with a song from a new band called Parachute. The song is called "She (For Liz). It kind of sounds like a Maroon 5 song, but it’s the following lyric that just makes love this song. "How can the only thing that's killing me, make me feel so alive?" No that is good writing. Go check them out.