From Zero to Lesbian in 60 Seconds

I've been dying to blog that headline for days now. Trust me it is an interesting story. And I promise to tell it some day!! But just not today.

Two Steps Forward…Two Steps Back

No I am not giving a shout out to the famous Paula Abdul song; this is what has happened since my last post.

So I was doing so well about not having any casual relations with men who just suck my soul dry. I even had the conversation with the “Married” guy. Long story short, I think he is in denial about his “relationship” with me. Perhaps he can just have recreational sex devoid of feelings, but I can’t. So we’ve decided to just be friends. We will see how long that lasts. I’m not initiating any of the conversations, but I am not going to be rude and not respond if he e-mails or texts me.

But here is where I just took a few steps back. My Aussie friend invited me to hang out with him and some of his mates visiting from Australia on Sunday. So I met them for a lunch at one of my Chelsea favorites, Vynl!

I am the first to admit that I am a sucker for a British or Australian accent. And all you have to do is look back at my previous posts to know where this one is headed.

Naturally, I was immediately smitten with one of his friends. He was so much my type. Shaved head, great body, funny, and that accent…turns out he was raised in the UK, but moved to Australia about 15 years ago.

As usual, I wasn’t sure what he thought of me due to my low self-esteem. He and his friends were off to see a Broadway show that evening, but I had hoped that we would all hang out later that night. Interestingly enough I was told he was using my friend’s old pay as you go cell phone, so I sent him a text to see where he ended up.

I was feeling conflicted, partly cause I had vowed no casual sex and partly because I still didn’t think he was interested. Much to my surprise, he responded back, but unfortunately he was tired and was heading back to his hotel.

The next day we exchanged a few text messages and we made plans to hang out on Tuesday. I love NYC and enjoy sharing it will tourists. Perhaps I should be come a tour guide?!? So even if he wasn’t interested I knew I would have a good time.

We met for Lunch and then walked all over the city. I was very flirty, as was he, but still couldn’t figure out if this was going to go anywhere. We really hit it off, and had such a connection. As much as I loved his accent, he had a thing for American accents as well – this is where Estelle’s “American Boy” should be playing in your head. He actually said, “I love your accent” and “I’ve been walking around with a semi-erection all day!” Was this perhaps a hint that he liked me?

He had plans to meet his friends later at a roof top bar, but I wasn’t dressed for it, so I went back home change.

I met up with him and his friends, and then we decided to grab dinner at another of my favorite eateries, Room Service. After dinner his friends retired to their hotel, leaving me and my “Man” alone on the street in an awkward what do we do next moment. We decided to grab drinks. We started at G (still couldn’t figure him out) and then moved onto Barracuda. In between bars, he said “How far is it back to your place? You can stay at my hotel if it’s too late for you to go home at this hour” – perhaps hint number two?

We stopped after our second drink, both not wanting to get too inebriated. And again, we were stuck in an awkward what we do next moment. But this time we both managed to get some courage and just go for it:

He asked, “What are you going to do with me now?”

“I don’t know, what do you want me to do with You?” (You can’t make this shit up!)

And that is when we both leaned in to kiss each other. We retired back to his hotel, and the rest is history. We spent Wednesday afternoon with his friends, had drinks at Nisos and a nice meal at Fatty Crab. Later we met up with my Aussie friend who introduced us and another friend of his who just arrived that evening from Australia.

We went back to his hotel again that night had a lovely shag, then feel asleep cuddled in each others arms. We awoke and had a lovely breakfast, took another walk around town, and then kissed farewell before a cab whisked him off to the airport.

All this leaves me here wondering why is it that I can have such intense connections with men who don’t live here?

He was very much my type physically, sexual and intellectually. And I am happy to have had the experience with him, but I know that we may never see one another again. I’m sure that we will keep in touch, like I have with the other out-of-towners that have passed through my life, but a little part of me just wishes I could meet someone who would stick around for a while.

And that’s my story!

Small Steps for...gay kind?

So I'd like to pat myself on the back for two small steps I made in the right direction tonight. Granted I wouldn't have to make these steps if I wasn't such a dumb ass to begin with when it comes to men.

Step 1: When I was out a few weeks ago I ran into an old trick. I had many reservations about this guy which is why I never called him after our one night stand over a year ago. Not to say that the first encounter wasn't hot. But there were signs that said to me danger, curves ahead. So I never called him again.

But life is funny, and every time I put something out to the universe it seems to come back to me. I was just saying to a friend "Hey remember that Australian guy from last year? Have you ever seen him out?" And no less than two days later there he was right in front of me. (I keep putting win a Million Dollars out to the universe, but that one hasn't come back to me yet!!)

So as I said, while out two weeks ago, I ran into Aussie man. We danced the night away together. And we were all flirty on the dance floor. I was heading out of town the next day, but we agreed to get in touch. He had visitors coming into town the following weekend so we settled on today.

I awoke this morning, and sent a txt message asking if we were still on for tonight. He said, "Yes, I'll call you after work." This was an immediate red flag for me. I wasa bit confused. I even said to a friend today, "I'm not sure if I have a date or a booty call tonight."

Well at 6:45PM he finally called. And told me head needed to meet the Aussie friends for a drink at 8PM in the west village, and asked if he could come out me way at 11PM. Ok, so I wasn't crazy. It was a booty call. Really?!? I hastily agreed to the arrangement. And ate some dinner in front of the television.

At around 8PM, I decided I wanted to go to the gym. On my way there I also decided to cancel on Aussie man. I just can't do all this casual sex anymore. Where is it getting me?? No freaking where. I'm no prude, and don't have any issues with hooking up -- sometimes you just need a good fuck. But what I really want is a relationship!

He texted me back and apologized for the "mix up" with the plans and for "messing up my night." He even invited me out to meet up with him and his friends. Um, a little to late! I declined.

Step 2: At 11:40PM, while typing this post, I received a TXT from another guy I've been "seeing". The sex with this guy is amazing! And we actually have a lot in common. I'd even consider dating him, but he's in his 40's and is an Actor. He could go out of town for a gig at any time. And what's the point to starting a relationship with someone like that, in fact I don't think he wants to start anything anyways. I wrote back that I was unavailable and in addition that I was no longer doing the casual sex thing. His response..."I don't have enough of it to give it up."

So I think I've made two good decisions tonight. While its nice to be wanted, its also nicer to make decisions that I think are healthy for me in the long run.

Let's see how long this will last...any guesses?

Cruising on the L train

On my way into Manhattan yesterday I had to transfer from the N train to the L train. I walked into a car and saw a really attractive guy. At first I couldn’t tell which team he played for. And no, not the Yankees or the Mets, I wondered if he was Gay or Straight. Yes, sometimes my “Gaydar” doesn’t work.

And furthermore, if you are attracted to me, and you know I’m looking at you, why not give some visual clue, right?

So I disembarked from the train and went on with my business, assuming I’d never see this guy again. But that would not be the case.

I was hanging out with two friends last night at Barracuda in Chelsea. And who walks up to me but L Train guy. Turns out he was gay (duh!). We had a really nice chat (it turns out he lived in my neighborhood), while my friends awkwardly looked on. I really hate picking someone up in front of my friends. We exchanged numbers and he promised to call. And he did:

At 3:02AM I received a call from him, as he was making his way back home. I was already in bed, ready to catch some Zsss. We had a flirty conversation and I could see where this was headed – a booty call. I was kind of disappointed as I was hoping for an actual date. He said he’d call me when he came above ground.

I never got that phone call. Instead I received the following stream of TXTs:

RT (4:26AM): What’s Up? Where are you??
RT (4:31AM): Whatever…
RT (7:58AM): What are you up to this morning?

PP (10:53AM): Morning, Sorry I fell asleep last night and missed your TXTs. Just woke up. What are you up to?

RT (10:53AM): Nothing Special. You?

Not wanting to deal with TXTs, I call. No answers.

PP (10:55AM): Call me.

RT (10:56AM): What’s up?

PP (10:58AM): Nothing, just lying in bed. You not feeling like talking on the phone??

RT (11:00AM): I’m not a big phone talker…And I did drugs last night. I haven’t slept. Is that gross?

PP (11:03AM): Ah that explains last nights/this mornings TXTs. Get some sleep!

RT (11:05AM): It was just blow… When can we hook up?
RT (11:13AM): Okay I’m gross. I’ll leave you alone.

And scene…WTF?!?!? Yes, you can’t make this shit up!

“Really?”

That title of this post is a TXT I received at 7:22PM tonight from the Man I wrote about on June 19th in a post entitle Patterns.

What the hell is that supposed to mean? So ok, I didn’t TXT or call him at all today, which is abnormal. We are in contact with each other everyday, multiple times. And further more, not that I didn’t want to.

In fact, it took all the energy I had not to send him a funny TXT or call him after my workout to see if he wanted to grab coffee. (Sidebar: The coffee place we had our afternoon rendezvous at closed this week! Is this a sign from the universe for me to end this quasi relationship??)

I consciously decided today that I need to end my destructive pattern. And this TXT only proves how important it is for me to do so. What the fuck? You can’t have your cake and eat it too? Or can you? See when dumb asses like me continue on letting people have the best of both worlds, they just get used to getting what they want.

This is not to say that I didn’t immediately pick up the phone and call him right after receiving this text. At first I was going to explain why I didn’t call or TXT today. But then what would be the point to that? Closure? And not that it would change the reality of the situation.

But “Really?”, to quote him, what do I owe him? I am the one getting hurt here. A few things should be non-negotiable, but for some reason I don’t apparently think I deserve a boyfriend of my own. I must prefer to be the “other”. Truth is I don’t. I want a nice normal (what is that exactly?!?) relationship of my own. It is funny if you think about it from his point of view: he obviously likes the attention I give him, and the minute that was gone he craved it. And like a dumb ass I gave him the satisfaction of a call.

But moving forward I am cutting him off, at least when it comes to sexual relations. As much as I enjoy the sex, it’s probably some of the best I’ve ever had; I just can’t do it anymore. I’d like to stay friends, because I do appreciate having him in my life (aside from the sex). But can we be friends without benefits? Only time will tell. Speaking of telling, do I tell him this? Or do I just let him figure it out on his own?

And speaking of TXT’s, still nothing back from the Latino Lover. Funny story – of course there always is – I was eating dinner in Midtown last night with my friend (Hey Shamesheckla), and who guess who gets seated at the table behind me? You guessed it. What are the chances? Of course he came right over to say “Hello” – awkward! – but that was about it. I had to bite my tongue as usual.

To quote a noted gossip columnist, “Only in New York, kids, only in New York!”

Update

Still no TXT back! WTF??

Check out the comments from AlterEgo to my post below.

Who are you? And why weren't you here last night to tell me these things before I sent the TXT. Atleast I'll know for next time -- And there will always be a next time. Sigh.

TXTing Sucks

So at 11:15PM tonight I received the following text message from the boy from last night:

"I apologize for my crazy behavior last night"

What the hell does that mean? He is sorry for telling me he liked me, dragging me back to his apartment, making out with me in the bar, on the street, in the elevator, on the couch and in his bed? Was that the crazy behavior he is sorry for? Or was it for being a silly drunk, ordering chicken wings at 10:30PM and being all sappy with his roommate?

I replied at 11:25PM with the following:

"No prob. Just curious, did you mean anything you said? Or was that the alcohol talking?"

Its now 11:54PM and I haven't heard back yet.

Problem is TXTing sucks and isn't clear. Was I clear with what I wrote? He certainly wasn't clear with what he wrote. What is clear is that what we each wrote made sense to the writer.

Could ESL (English As A Second Language) be the. issue??

And why hasn't he written back, and why am I being such a girl about this? Ugh. Perhaps he is asleep already, and I'll find get a text in the AM?!?

Fuck Gay Pride

I just went to a gay pride party at a roof top on a hotel. Apparently over 1000 people RSVP'd for this event, but the roof can't hold that many people. A good event planner can judge the ratio off RSVP's to actual attendees. But if you are having an outdoor party, that can only hold a certain amount of people, and you know its gonna be nice out, then you should expect a capacity turn out. And either cut the RSVP's off at a much lower number or make sure the venue has space to hold the amount of people who RSVP.

Working as a publicist for 12 years, if someone RSVP's for something then they should be allowed at an event. If you didn't RSVP then you don't get in. Granted a good event planner will also allow for a good number of non-RSVP's depending on what the event is.

I can't believe I just stood in a line for 20mins, and not be allowed into "the party". For something I was probably one of the first people to RSVP to.

So what do I say to gay pride "Fuck it!!" Gays suck and can't even throw a party where people aren't excluded. What does that say about people who are excluded every day of their lives?? Gay Pride?? I don't have any.

The Walk of Shame (or Why I'll Never Date A Latino Boy)

Let me begin by acknowledging the fact that I am writing this post while on the subway, on my home from last night. Kind of cool that I can post from my BlackBerry, but equally sad that I am doing the walk of shame at 8:30AM.

So last night I met up with a friend for drinks -- I still can't have alcohol, fingers crossed the doctor says I can have solid food starting today (and a Martini!).

This "friend" is a really hot latino boy from Peru. I've thought this guy was hot for a few years, but he never seemed to notice me. So I wrote him off as a jerk. Flash forward to earlier this year when he shows up at my favorite watering hole, the Eagle NYC. My friend who runs the leather shop in the Eagle was kinda interested in him, and I even told him that I thought this guy was a jerk. Really hot, but a jerk.

We were introduced and actually hit it off (could I have been wrong about him?). Meanwhile I knew that my friend was interested in him, so I was hands off. Cause I wouldn't do that to one of my friends (or would I?).

The Peruvian and I started hanging out, outside of the Eagle. And then last night happened. I met him at a bar in Midtown, he was with a really drunk (annoying) friend. They had spent the weekend out on Fire Island. Which means drinking for 4 days straight, starting at 10am each day. My kidneys hurt just thinking about it.

After his friend left (thank God), I decided to buy the Peruvian another cocktail (I had a water). He was very hands on in the 45mins that we were together up to that point. Adding this next cocktail tipped the scale. He decided to profess that he liked me. And that he hadn't acted on it cause he didn't want to upset our mutual friend (even thought nothing ever happened between them). Too which I countered with how I felt about him. Now I knew in the back of my mind that he was drunk, but still had hopes that it was what finally gave him the courage to tell me the truth.

He had promised his roommate that he would come home and hang out and watch a movie. So we walked to his place, hand in hand in the rain. Just like a scene from a movie. We even stopedp for a make out session in the middle of the sidewalk. We got on the elevator with someone, thankfully they got off on the 5th floor, and as soon as the doors closed we were back at it! Man he was a good kisser!

So I don't think this was the evening his roommate had planned for, but we had met before so it was fine. The peruvian was a hot mess, and wanted chicken wings, so his roommate ordered him some. Side bar: we watched a funny movie called "Ghost Town".

The movie ended around 11:30pm, and so we retired to his bedroom. I had reservations about staying, in fact I even asked (yes I asked a drunk person) if he was still gonna like me in the morning or was this just the alcohol. He of course said, "Yes." We made out some more, but I knew that was where it was gonna end. We spent the night together spooning, which you know I just love.

And now its the next morning. We woke up at 7:30AM, yes some people have jobs (I think working is overrated, ha!). Unfortunately the passion from the night before seemed to be gone, it was all business as he preped for work. Before I knew it we were out the door and walking cross town. We did kiss goodbye on the street. And he mentioned he would let me know if he was going to the Eagle on Thursday. Ok?!? WTF?!?

So the lesson here!?! Latino boys, they are uber passionate, but can turn it off as quickly as it was turned on! Sigh. Another tale of Pablo in Manhattan.